CF-18 Formation Courtesy

Kanata, ON — The Obfuscated Football League kicked off the 2010 season Friday with the 4-time defending champion Irish Stout taking on the expansion Co-Op Dragons at legendary Entrust Cryptography Field. As expected, the expansion Dragons’ roster was populated largely by untested rookies Marc Jessome, William Jia, Michael Liu, and Jin Sung Kang. The Dragons picked up journeyman quarterback Peter Arseneau in the expansion draft to lend veteran leadership to the squad. The grizzled Arseneau, who is starting the resemble Brett Favre more and more in appearance if not in performance, was ready to go. “I’ll show the Legion they were wrong to let me go,” he said, “I’m taking my talents to the Dragons!”

The powerful Irish Stout returned 4 time MVP Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae at QB, James “Smooth” Muir and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss at TE, and Kirk “Flash” Ireland at slotback. With Big Dan “Danimal” Murdock unavailable due to an all-you-can-eat buffet special in progress, the receiving corps for this contest was rounded out with Johnny “I’m Really Irish” O’Connor.

The Dragons won the toss and deferred so the Stout started the first drive of the 2010 season at the 20. McRae uncorked a bomb to O’Connor that bounced off his hands, chest, and possibly other body parts before falling incomplete. After a short completion, McRae again found the streaking Irishman in the endzone for the score. On the conversion, the Stout unveiled a little razzle-dazzle as McRae threw a lateral to Ireland who tossed a laser back to McRae in the left corner of the endzone for a 7-0 lead.

The dazed Dragons punted and the Stout scored again, this time on a McRae to Ireland completion. Big Bevan Watkiss converted the touchdown, taking hits from virtually the entire Dragon defensive unit in the process. “I didn’t realize an athletic protector would be necessary,” his now alto voice exclaimed, “but I can now hit the high ‘C’!” The Stout led, 14-0.

The Dragons finally got their act together and Arseneau drove them down the field with the payoff coming on a short pass to Jia in the left corner. The conversion failed, however, and score stood at 14-6. Back roared the Stout on a McRae to Watkiss TD for a 20-6 lead, followed by another TD from McRae to Muir. After an O’Connor conversion, the lead was now 27-6 and the Co-Op Dragons could consider themselves formally introduced to OFL football. “It’s tough taking on the Stout in your first game,” Jin commented, “I mean, literally, this is my first football game!”

Arseneau connected with Liu on a pass down the middle of the field and after a missed tag, Liu went the distance for a long touchdown to trim the lead to 27-12, but McRae hit Ireland for his second TD of the game and tossed a conversion to Ireland on a broken play to finish up the Stout scoring at 34-12. The Dragons scored as time expired on an Arseneau to Jessome completion to make the final 34-18.

“There is definitely room for improvement,” said Coach McRae at the post-game press conference, “Our QB threw some real ducks today. I’ll be giving him a stern talking to in the locker room. It’s not like we have Michael Vick on the bench, so we’ll have to stick with him and hope for the best.”

October 1, 2010
Irish Stout 34, Co-Op Dragons 18

McRae      5 TD
Arseneau   3 TD

Ireland    2 TD, 1 PAT
O'Connor   1 TD, 1 PAT
Watkiss    1 TD, 1 PAT
Jessome    1 TD
Jia        1 TD
Liu        1 TD
Muir       1 TD
McRae      1 PAT