Stout Throttle Pirates in Injury-Marred Contest

Kanata, ON — A dark, gloomy cloud settled over historic Entrust Cryptography Field as the 4-0 Irish Stout took on the 0-4 Peter’s Pirates after the OFL bye week. Rosters were depleted as the Stout were only able to round up their All-OFL QB, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, who was suffering from a sore lower back, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, James “Smooth” Muir and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The Pirates countered with Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau and a trio of rookie receivers, Gary “Hamstring” Hoffe, Tong “Thumbs Together” Jia and Liang “Hang On” Yao. Despite knowing they were severely undermanned, the plucky Pirates decided to challenge the mighty Stout to a 4on4 matchup.

After failing to move the ball the Pirates punted and the Stout began what was to be an outstandingly efficient offensive performance by completing a pair of passes culminating in a touchdown from McRae to Muir. Watkiss secured the conversion on a comeback route and the Stout led 7-0. McRae continued his perfect day on the next two possessions, throwing touchdowns to Watkiss and Ireland before missing on a conversion to Muir, who caught the ball out of bounds. The 20-0 lead held as Watkiss intercepted Arseneau on the Stout 1 yard line. “Well, at least it wasn’t fourth down,” said McRae, “Bevan did a good job there.” “Oooga”, responded the happy Watkiss as he lined up at tight end.

Several dropped passes stunted Pirate drives and the Stout kept the pressure on with a pair of touchdown passes from McRae to Muir and a conversion from Watkiss to Muir on the reverse. On the final series, the Stout were backed up inside their 20 yard line and McRae uncorked a bomb for Ireland, who slipped past a racing Hoffe for the touchdown on the post pattern. Unfortunately, Hoffe’s hamstring gave out on the play and the game was called after the conversion pass to Muir.

At the conclusion of the game, Arseneau took exception to McRae’s hearty handshake. “What is he trying to do, show me up?”, he said through clenched teeth, “We’ll be ready next week — then I’ll do the handshaking.”

“I didn’t see the problem,” said McRae, “I learned everything I know from Jim Harbaugh.”

BOX SCORE
October 21, 2011
Irish Stout 41, Peter's Pirates 0
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Passing
-------
McRae      6 TD, 4 PAT
Watkiss    1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Muir       3 TD, 2 PAT
Ireland    2 TD, 2 PAT
Watkiss    1 TD, 1 PAT

Defense
-------
Watkiss    1 INT