Stout Puts On Offensive Show, Routs Legion 40-19

Kanata, ON — An unseasonably warm day turned positively hot for the Irish Stout as they exploded for 6 touchdowns in their 40-19 victory over the French Foreign Legion. Things started out poorly for the Legion when star receiver Ron “Randy Moss” Burman was unable to play due to what is being reported as a bizarre grooming accident. He has been holed up in his gated community since the weekend, issuing only a terse press release that ended with “Don’t look at me! I’m hideous!” Offensive coordinator and tight end Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas was also unavailable, but Interpol would not divulge any details as to why he has been detained in Paris. Legion regulars Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, John “Guinness” O’Connor, and Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau took the field to face a powerful Stout lineup consisting of Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Bevan “No Wobbly Balls, Please” Watkiss, James “I’ll Take That Ball, If You Don’t Mind” Muir, and Louis “All World Picker” Aubin. Noticeably absent from the Stout was superstar Kirk “Twinkletoes” Ireland, who continued to recover from his ballroom dancing accident. “No one puts Kirk in the corner,” he intoned sternly, “But I had the time of my life!”

After taking the opening kickoff, the Legion drove down the field but failed to score. Rookie Eric Nadeau then proceeded to intercept McRae’s long, but not long enough, throw to Watkiss and ran it back into scoring territory. “I’m in the stats!” Nadeau cried with glee. The Stout held, however, and McRae marched them down the field to paydirt with a TD to Watkiss. The Legion responded with a TD of their own from Arseneau to Chartrand and went ahead on an Arseneau to O’Connor conversion. “Burman? Burman? Who needs Burman?” yelled Arseneau in a rare display of bravado. “Actually, we could really use him,” replied Chartrand, “It’s not like I can score all the touchdowns by myself!”

Trailing 7-6, the Stout struck quickly with two McRae to Muir TD’s sandwiched around an Aubin conversion to make the score 19-7. Arseneau again connected with Chartrand to draw within 6, but the Stout unleashed a flurry of touchdowns to put the Legion away. First, McRae hit Watkiss for 6, and followed up with a PAT to Aubin. Aubin intercepted Arseneau on the next possession and the Stout went to work with Muir literally taking the ball away from the defender and running in for a score. After the Watkiss conversion, the score stood at 33-19. “When the ball is in the air, it’s mine,” said Muir, “Well, technically, the ball belongs to Paul, but you get the idea.”

The Legion responded with yet another Chartrand TD from Arseneau, but Muir again aggressively went after the ball and evaded a defender to score his fourth touchdown of the day. “Four touchdowns, let’s see…” Muir observed, “That’s 12 plus 6 plus 6, carry the 1….24 points!” A short yellow bus full of young fans cheered Muir’s arithmetic prowess.

An Aubin PAT made the final score 40-19. The Stout scored the second highest number of points in the league’s recent history, second, ironically, to the Legion, which owns the record, set in their 41-12 victory over the Stout in 2006. However, it has been 28 straight wins since for the powerful Stout, who are now gunning for their 4th straight OFL title with a 10-0 record. “Tabernac, I want a title,” exclaimed Aubin, who due to the OFL’s lax roster rules has played on both sides of this bitter rivalry this season, “I am going to celebrate with a big moose tourtiere, calice!”

The 2009 OFL Season statistics can be seen here.

BOX SCORE
December 2, 2009
Irish Stout 40, French Foreign Legion 19

Passing
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McRae       6 TD, 4 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    3 TD, 1 INT

Receiving
---------
Muir        4 TD
Chartrand   3 TD
Watkiss     2 TD, 1 PAT
Aubin       3 PAT
O'Connor    1 PAT

Defense
--------
Aubin       1 INT
Nadeau      1 INT