Irish Stout Overwhelm Peter’s Pirates to Claim OFL Crown

Kanata, ON — The Irish Stout finished the 2011 OFL season as they started it — as champions. The 7-1 Stout overwhelmed their Superbowl opponents, Peter’s Pirates, posting a 47-13 victory that left no doubt as to which team deserved to hoist the trophy.

Playing the latest season game in OFL history, the Stout and Pirates lined up on a crisp early winter day on the frozen grass of historic Entrust Cryptography Field to decide the title. The Stout roster included legendary OFL standouts Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The Pirates were without Andrew Sung, who was either suffering from the flu or had more sense than to show up for the slaughter that was to ensue as well as Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, who was reportedly detained by Interpol. A late trade brought the dynamic Ron “Randy Moss” Burman and his acrobatic receiving skills to the lineup. Pirate regulars Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Liang “Rabbit Ears” Yao, and Tong “Rabbit Hands” Jia rounded out the team.

Starting on offense, the Stout struck quickly as Watkiss scored on a catch and run and also snagged the conversion for a 7-0 lead. McRae and the Stout were just warming up, however, as 2 TD passes to Muir and TD to Ireland were sandwiched around a Muir interception. All the Stout receivers were Biletnikoff-like in their ability to grab footballs out of the air. “Who-nikoff?” questioned Watkiss.

Finally, the Pirates got on the board with a Burman TD to make the score 26-6, but Watkiss hauled in another McRae throw and trotted into the endzone. A Muir conversion boosted the Stout lead to 33-6, which Muir followed up with another fine catch for a TD on the ensuring possession. Showing a bit of trickeration, the McRae tossed the ball back to Ireland, who hit McRae in the left corner for the PAT over the outstretched arms of Arseneau.

Burman scored again on a pass from Arseneau with Yao converting to make the score 40-13, but McRae again found his big tight end Watkiss for a TD and concluded the OFL’s 2011 scoring with a toss to Ireland for the conversion.

“I think we need to check if Muir’s gloves are legal,” said an exasperated Arseneau in the runner-up’s lockerroom, “I mean, he caught everything in this postal code!”

McRae tied his own OFL record with 7 touchdown passes in a single game. “After Drew Brees threw 5 yesterday, I took it as a personal challenge,” said McRae, “I wasn’t going to be outdone by someone who went to Purdue, for cryin’ out loud.”

While the Pirates improved week after week and stunned the Stout, ending their 38-game winning streak, the Stout were an offensive machine during the 2011 season, averaging 37 points per game on the strength of 43 touchdown passes by McRae over the 8 game season. “I really have to credit our offensive coordinator for his great game plans and play calling,” effused McRae, “Oh, wait, _I_ am the offensive coordinator!”

The humble Irish Stout finished 7-1 while Peter’s Pirates wound up at 1-7.

BOX SCORE
December 19, 2011
Irish Stout 47, Peter's Pirates 13
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Passing
-------
McRae      7 TD, 4 PAT
Arseneau   2 TD, 1 PAT, 1 INT
Ireland    1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Watkiss    3 TD, 1 PAT
Muir       3 TD. 1 PAT
Burman     2 TD
Ireland    1 TD, 2 PAT 
McRae      1 PAT
Yao        1 PAT

Defense
-------
Muir       1 INT