Irish Stout Cruise To Victory Over French Foreign Legion
Kanata, ON — On a chilly Friday afternoon at historic Entrust Cryptography Field, the Irish Stout produced a workman-like 20-6 victory over their arch nemesis, the French Foreign Legion. The Stout roster was truncated with the loss of tight end Bevan Watkiss, who tweaked his ankle in a bizarre gardening accident and had to sit out the contest. The remaining Stout stalwarts, QB Paul “Forgot The Hotpockets” McRae, slotback Kirk “I’m Not A Practice Player” Ireland, receiver (and I use that term generously) James “Needs More Stickum” Muir, and big tight end Dan “For God’s Sake, Throw It At My Head!” Murdock squared off against a Legion squad consisting of Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, John “Guinness” O’Connor, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, and rookie Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau.
Each team failed to score on its opening possession, then McRae hit Ireland on a long throw over the outstretched arms of O’Connor. A quick conversion to Murdock followed and the Stout led 7-0. After an Ireland interception of Arseneau on 4th down at the Stout 1 yard line stopped a Legion threat, the Stout matriculated their way down the field via the run and the pass and cashed in on a TD toss to Ireland for a 13-0 lead.
The Legion responded with a drive of their own to make the score 13-6 as Arseneau connected with sensational rookie Chartrand. “Since we keep finishing at the bottom of the standings, we get high draft picks like Gerry here. That is our formula for success!” said the Legion GM, “It’s working for the Oakland Raiders, isn’t it?”
After a sensational interception by emerging defensive force Dan Murdock, the Stout struck once again on a long pass to Ireland to the Legion 2 followed by a quick strike to Murdock for the touchdown. After dropping a pair of touchdowns on the day, Muir finally hauled in a pass for the conversion to make the score 20-6. “I can’t believe it is possible to not catch Paul’s perfect passes,” Muir said, “It is truly a mystery for the ages.”
A final Legion drive failed to net any points as Arseneau’s end zone catch from Chartrand was ruled incomplete as he failed to stay in bounds. The Stout run their record to 3-0 as the Legion, alas, falls to 0-3. After his team failed to exceed 21 points, Stout Owner, GM, Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, and QB Paul McRae was quoted as saying, “If we don’t perform better in the next game, I might have to take play calling responsibilities away from myself! I wonder if Jim Zorn is available?”
BOX SCORE
October 23, 2009
Irish Stout 20, French Foreign Legion 6
Passing
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Arseneau 1 TD, 2 INT
Receiving
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Ireland 2 TD
Murdock 1 TD, 1 PAT
Chartrand 1 TD
Muir 1 PAT
Defense
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Ireland 1 INT
Murdock 1 INT
O'Connor 1 INT