Irish Stout Barely Prevail In Sloppy OFL Contest

Kanata, ON — The defending champion Irish Stout looked anything but in barely defeating the expansion Co-Op Dragons 12-0 in this week’s OFL game. The Stout fielded most of their stalwarts, including Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, James “Smooth” Muir and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The Dragon roster consisted of Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Michael “Squid” Liu, Jin “Shifty” Kang and William “Hands of Stone” Jia.

The Dragons started with the ball, but as they would all day, failed to move it against a Stout defense that lived up to the nickname. McRae and the Stout fared no better. Finally, the Dragons mounted a drive highlighted by the quick passing of Arseneau to Kang. In range of the goal line, however, the Dragons trickeration resulted in disaster as the flea-flicker pitch to Jia resulted in an ill-advised toss that was intercepted by Muir in the Stout endzone. “Oh, I’m supposed to throw it to MY teammate,” said an astonished Jia after the game, “I still really haven’t figured out all the rules yet.”

Perhaps motivated by the turnover, the Stout marched the length of the field and finally dented the scoreboard with a McRae throw to Ireland for a 6-0 lead. Naturally, the conversion attempt was unsuccessful. As the game went on, it was clear the Football Gods were not smiling on Entrust Cryptography Field on this day as the quality of play seemingly set football back many decades. Out of bounds passes, ridiculously high throws, and poor routes marred the contest, highlighted, if that is the word, by an intended deep pass from McRae that went virtually straight up in the air and only a few yards forward. Even more bizarre was that the pass was actually caught by Ireland for a short gain rather than intercepted or falling incomplete. “It slipped!” exclaimed McRae, “I thought the Stickum was supposed to prevent this!”

Neither side exhibited a great deal of football skill or athleticism and the scoring concluded with a late touchdown pass from McRae to Muir to make the final 12-0. OFL Commissioner Paul McRae was unimpressed at the postgame press conference. “Our fans deserve better. The networks aren’t going to renew our contracts if we keep putting a product like this on the field.” Informed that the OFL does not and never has had a TV contract, McRae responded, “Well, we aren’t going to get one unless we play better!”

BOX SCORE
November 18, 2010
Irish Stout 12, Co-Op Dragons 0

Passing
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McRae      2 TD
Jia        1 INT

Receiving
---------
Ireland    1 TD
Muir       1 TD

Defense
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Muir       1 INT