IP Stack crybabies refuse to admit defeat
Paul McRae
Nov 13, 2002
BGP's
gutsy 4th quarter comeback victory was thrown into question yesterday by
a series of bizarre calls by a mysterious ref at the end of game. BGP had
played a stellar game despite an injured squad and some questionable personel
changes by the IP stack team.
BGP was forced to take the field against an IP stack team made up entirely of players averaging 6'2"- all with blazing speed.
Despite these obvious disadvantages and being +14 underdogs, BGP's defence
came up huge against the Stack's unimaginative offense. Rob Hutchinson's
tight defence caused the Stack's Tom Szczerbowski to drop pass after pass. Sean Hope was held to 1 catch by unbelievably overmatched Pablo Frank.
This forced Stack QB Paul McRae
to start going to his emerging rookie wideout Kirk Ireland. Kirk currently
leads the league in touchdown receptions much to the chagrin of the notoriously
unstable Tom Szczerbowski.
To make matters worse for the Stack, BGP's offense managed to swing
into high gear after an errant McRae pass was picked off by none other than
Pablo Frank. Mike Ciancibello and Dave Smith took turns at QB driving down the field scoring touchdown after touchdown.
BGP's outstanding new player, Greg managed to pull in 2 scores with Frank pulling in another.
The exciting game culminated in a last minute 4th quarter touchdown
pass to Rob Hutchinson. Hutchinson managed to maintain control of the ball
and get two feet inbounds before the overly aggressive Szczerbowski plowed
his head into a wooden board.
Despite furious protests from Szczerbowski, the last second play was
ruled a touchdown. BGP had pulled off a last-second thrilling victory.
But as BGP celebrated midfield, a nefarious plot was afoot. Stack QB Paul McRae,
who is now widely suspected of being chemically addicted to winning, began
begging and pleading with a mysterious ref to allow a 5th quarter! After
McRae began crying, the strange ref relented and ordered the beginning of
an unprecedented 5th quarter.
BGP's Dave Smith
was shocked: "The only kind of 5th quarter I've ever heard of is an overtime
quarter- and you only play that when you're tied!". As BGP's coaching staff
tried to figure out what to do, the Stack immediatly lined up in their standard
5 wideout formation. Frank was furious. "It was raining red flags at the
sidelines but the refs did nothing" he exclaimed. "Maybe it's because we
don't actually have Refs..."
BGP was forced to take the field as Frank was assured that he could
take it up with the league commissioner after the game. As the bewildered
BGP struggled to get back into the game, the single-minded Szczerbowski managed
to catch a "tying" touchdown pass. Szczerbowksi, who is known to have a
temper, proceeded to abuse the football and assault a passing little old
lady.
BGP's next possession, which was assumed to be the last series of the
game, came up empty. But this time, the Stack's McRae engaged in one of
the most pathetic displays of grovelling and pleading to the anonymous ref.
The ref ruled that play could continue until the end of this bizarre 5th
quarter.
On the subsequent possession, the Stack took advantage of the stunned BGP to throw the "winning" touchdown to Kirk Ireland.
As BGP lined up to begin the next series, McRae promptly declared that
the game was over and his team walked off the field, claiming to noone in
particular that they had won. There was still 7 minutes and 48 seconds to
play in the "5th quarter".
"As far as we're concerned. We won this game 28-21," said BGP's Mike Ciancibello. "We fully intend to have this fiasco reviewed by the league commissioner".
Sportsline has since learned that the mysterious ref was not, in fact,
a referee at all but rather the dome caretaker. The caretaker admitted giving
the 5th quarter in return for McRae sexual favours.
In other developing news, Szczerbowski is to be arraigned later today
for assaulting the little old lady. Prosecutors will also be charging him
under an obscure 19th century law that forbids molestation of pigskin.
The League Commissioner, who also happens to be BGP's Pablo Frank is expected to rule in favour of BGP later this afternoon.
| | |
