Nyah nyah nyah nyah! BGP WINS!
Pablo Frank
Oct 4, 2002
October 4, 2002
After a disappointing woe and 2 start to the season, BGP came out determined
to win. "Unlike the Rams, we are not going to let our season go down the
drain!" promised BGP General Manager and endzone dance coordinator Pablo Frank.
"I have to admit that the product on the field has not been up to
the high standard that our fans have come to expect," Mr. Frank told the
media before the big game. "Our troubles were augmented by a four-way quarterback
controversy and a slew of nasty bloody injuries- particularly to Dave Smith".
During the week, BGP moved quickly to address these defficiencies. Dave Smith was given the nod at starting quarterback and BGP finally managed to sign unrestricted free-agent Derek Manning.
Manning, a superstar for IP Stack in previous years had been let go
due to salary cap issues as well as a simmering feud with Stack wideout Tom Szczerbowski.
"We're very pleased to have Mr. Manning on board," said Frank. "Manning
is the kind of player that makes all your players play just that much better.
Hell, with IP stack quadruple-covering Manning, even *I* can get open!".
The opening kickoff saw BGP receive the ball. The first drive saw a confident, rejuvinated, un-bloodied Dave Smith
meticulously drive the length of the field with his suddenly dramatically
improved offense. After the first touchdown (a picture-perfect throw to bizarrely-good
British player Rob Hutchinson), IP stack looked noticeably uncomfortable.
Stack QB McRae was overwhelmed by the large number of players on the field.
"Normally, I'm used to throwing to Tom or throwing to Kirk," he explained.
"With so many choices now, I can't make up my mind. Why is real football
so hard?"
Tom Szczerbowski, for his part, was much less productive as he was shutdown convincingly by his old rival, Derek Manning.
In contrast, BGP's receivers had a field day as gunslinger QB Dave Smith spread the ball around. Rob Hutchinson and Sean Hope each scored two touchdowns with Derek Manning pulling in a fifth.
Pablo Frank
had a career day as he actually caught balls including a beautiful goal-line
catch that set up a Sean Hope TD. In fact, had Frank simply rolled into the
endzone instead of dancing around on the field like an idiot, his day's numbers
would have been even better.
The final straw for IP Stack came when Sean Hope intercepted a McRae pass that allowed BGP to build a 14 point lead.
The one bright spot on IP stack's day was the continued good play of
Kirk Ireland. Ireland pulled in two amazing 4th down touchdown catches to
give IP stack some hope. This did not sit well with the Stack's resident
Prima Dona receiver, Tom. "Look, *I'm* the goto guy in this offense. If McRae
had spent a little bit more time throwing to *ME* instead of butter-finger
Kirk... well, maybe we wouldn't have had the result that we did". He then
stared menacingly at the camera.
After hearing Tom's sour comments, McRae shook his head. "The problem
with Tom is that my playbook doesn't translate too well into Polish. He's
always running the wrong routes. I think they read right-to-left over there
or something..."
Sean Hope who's name has come to symbolize BGP's determination to win
back-to-back Superbowls summed up the mood for BGP: "Those mofos in the
Stack are gonna have to start respectin' us now! We's back from the brink,
baby."
Final score: BGP 35, IP Stack 21
--Pablo Frank
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