Peter’s Pirates Stun Irish Stout in OFL Thriller

Kanata, ON — Something different was in the air today at Entrust Field when the new look Pirates hosted the Irish Stout. With ideal weather conditions, most thought it would be a high scoring game, especially since the Stout were an unstoppable juggernaut on offense the previous week. McRae remarked, “We completed every pass last week, except for one out-of-bounds, and James even caught that one.” Who ever expected the turn of events that would be witnessed today?

“We’ll win on Wednesday, I guarantee it!”, quipped Peter “Rabbit” Arseneau, the reserved but steadfast Pirate QB. Irish receiver James Muir replied, “Bring it on”, but would later wish he had not thrown down the gauntlet so, as his comments only enraged an already despondent Pirate team. “I’m gonna get these guys!”, said Carlos “the Jackal” Nahas, sporting his new Tom Brady jersey.

The Pirates took to the field knowing that Paul McRae was coming off a major back injury. Doctors suggested immediate back surgery but McRae instead chose to do extensive daily rehab and physio, especially the Guinness Stout lifts. Ron “Boomer” Burman, Kirk “How many interceptions can I get?” Ireland were AWOL, likely getting in some sun and a few holes at the Marshes Golf club before it closes for the winter. In an act of kindness, the Pirates loaned rookie wide receiver Tong Jia, to square up the sides.

The Pirates won the toss and choose to kick. McRae’s first pass was incomplete. “There goes the completion streak”, noted the grizzled field commander. But this was a sign of things to come, as the Pirate defence would bend but not break, applying a higher level of field coverage that surprised the Stout. Several Stout passes were too low, too deep, out of bounds. The Stout failed to score on their initial possession. “What’s going on??” shouted Muir.

The Pirates then took the ball, marched down the field and almost scored, missing on fourth and goal from the 1 yard line. “It was in my hands, but I wasn’t expecting a shovel pass [a la Brett Favre] “, lamented Andrew Sung. “No problem, I’ll make up for it later.”

Knowing that they had a real game on their hands, the Stout put together an impressive drive, finding Muir underneath, and eventually connecting with Jia in the endzone. “Why did we ever loan them Tong?”, asked running back Liang Yao. The extra point was missed. Uncharacteristically, both teams had trouble scoring the 1 point conversion.

On the next possession, the Pirates responded. After a short completion, Arseneau looked deep but nothing appeared to be open. And then McRae came charging! Refusing to be sacked, the Pirate QB ran for his life, to the left and charged for the end-zone. He cut right and then left again, bounding into the left corner The result was an unlikely running touchdown from midfield. “Why is he running the ball when he should be throwing me interceptions”, thought Bevan “Freight Train” Watkiss. The conversion was unsuccessful, again.

After another unsuccessful Stout offensive drive, the Pirates took over and went to work. On third and long, Arseneau looked deep but couldn’t find a receiver, so he threw the ball to Nahas underneath as he was cutting towards the sideline. With an extra burst of speed, Nahas zoomed around the defender, charged down field and lunged into the end-zone. It was the first Pirate lead of the day — of the year! Would it be enough? Knowing the value of the extra point, Arseneau hooked up with Sung in the right corner, making up for the earlier missed TD.

Desperate, with the clock proceeding to 1PM, the Irish Stout would not take it lying down (at least the players on the field). They put together one last drive, eventually finding “Bring it on” Muir for the touchdown. But the Pirates would not break. They held tough, forcing McRae to put up a desperation throw when he couldn’t find a receiver. It sailed over everyone. Though the Pirates had last possession and could have run up the score, they decided to run out the clock instead rubbing it in. “That’s not what they do in New England. We should do the proper thing and run out the clock.”, said Nahas as he pointed to his Tom Brady Patriot jersey. BTW, did you ever notice that patriot almost rhymes with pirate, and they even start with the same letter?

It was time to celebrate for the Pirates. “I’m speechless”, said Nahas, when asked about scoring the winning TD, “I’ve never felt this way before!” The stunning victory ends the Irish Stout winning streak at an incredible 38 games and ushers in a new, competitive era of OFL action. The Irish Stout are now 4-1 while Peter’s Pirates climb to 1-4.

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November 2, 2011
Peter's Pirates 13, Irish Stout 12

Passing
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Arseneau   2 TD, 1 PAT
McRae      2 TD

Receiving
---------
Muir       1 TD
Jia        1 TD
Nahas      1 TD
Sung       1 PAT

Rushing
-------
Arseneau   1 TD