Kanata, ON — After two weeks of substandard football, the OFL’s top team, the Irish Stout, put together a nearly flawless performance. Facing off against the expansion Co-Op Dragons, the Stout wasted no time racing out to a 20-0 lead and cruising to victory. Perhaps the Stout were buoyed by the addition of Ron “Randy Moss” Burman and Louis “Dropped Another One” Aubin. The squad was rounded out with regulars Paul “Remembered To Bring The Hotpockets” McRae, Bevan “I Can Suddenly Catch” Watkiss and Kirk “Even William Can Cover Me” Ireland. Notably missing from the Stout was tight end James Muir, who was double-booked with his knitting class. The Dragons lined up Peter “‘Stache” Arseneau, Marc “Stretch” Jessome, Jin “Deep Threat” Kang, Johnny “Toque” O’Connor, and William “I Can Cover Kirk With The Back Of My Head” Jia.

It was a chilly but sunny afternoon at historic Entrust Cryptography Field as the OFL kicked off week 8. The Stout won the toss, deferred, and the Dragons began at their 20. The Stout continued to play the same tough defense that characterized their performance over the past few weeks and the Dragons failed to score. McRae then lofted a TD to Watkiss and the big tight end made a nice catch for a 6-0 lead. A conversion to Ireland followed and just like that it was 7-0. Defense and efficient offense continued for the entire first half as McRae tossed TD’s to Burman and Aubin as well as a conversion to Watkiss for a 20-0 lead. During this sequence, Ireland also made a leaping interception of Arseneau as he tried to hit Jessome in the right corner of the endzone.

The wily Arseneau eventually did find Kang with a beautiful rainbow that landed over Kang’s right shoulder as a bewildered Aubin watched with bemusement. The Stout lead was shaved to 20-6, but McRae and the Stout were far from done as TD throws to Ireland and again to Watkiss coupled with a conversion to Burman ran the score to a total of 33 points. The Stout defense stiffened, especially shutdown corner Burman, who isolated on the dangerous Kang. “Darrelle Revis, eat your heart out, baby!” exclaimed Burman, “It’s Burman Island in the OFL!”

“We left a lot of points out on the field today,” analyzed a dejected Arseneau, “But we WILL rally and we WILL play good football!” Holding back a tear, Arseneau then left hastily for his regularly scheduled lunch with Dick Vermeil.

November 24, 2010
Irish Stout 33, Co-Op Dragons 6

McRae      5 TD, 3 PAT
Arseneau   1 TD, 1 INT

Watkiss    2 TD, 1 PAT
Burman     1 TD, 1 PAT
Ireland    1 TD, 1 PAT
Aubin      1 TD
Kang       1 TD

Ireland    1 INT