Irish Stout Prevail in Thriller

Kanata, ON — An abnormally warm November afternoon was host to a red hot OFL contest as the streaking Irish Stout played their toughest game of the year against the French Foreign Legion, winning in thrilling fashion 20-13.

The Legion roster consisted of the usual bevy of talented athletes as Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau lined up at QB, Josh “Tank” Lucas at slotback, Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau at split end, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand at flanker, and Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas at tight end. The Stout were without star receiver/DB Kirk Ireland, who was either home nursing the flu or recovering from a tragic mani-pedi accident at the spa. In a stunning in-game trade, the Irish Stout acquired John “I’m actually _from_ Ireland” O’Connor to fill Ireland’s spot on the roster. As usual, the OFL’s leading passer, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Dan “Danimal” Murdock and Bevan “Wrong Way” Watkiss were stalwarts on the Stout squad.

After winning the toss and deferring, the Stout allowed several short completions from Arseneau to Nadeau before Chartrand scored the game’s first points, putting the Legion up 6-0. Several scoreless possessions followed for both sides until McRae hooked up with Watkiss to tie the affair at 6-6. “It must be this wind,” said McRae, “I couldn’t possibly be throwing these bad passes for any other reason!”

The Stout took the lead on a long bomb from McRae to O’Connor. The conversion attempt seemed destined to be intercepted, but the ball went through the defender’s hands and an alert O’Connor snatched it to make the score 13-7. “So this is what playing with an All-Pro quarterback is like,” said the jovial Irishman, “I could get used to this!”

With time running out, the Legion marched down the field to tie the score on a long pass from Chartrand to Nahas on a clever play action flea-flicker. Chartrand then tallied the tying points as Arseneau hit him for the PAT. “If I could throw it, catch it, and spike it all myself, it would be perfect,” quipped Chartrand.

Overtime loomed as the Stout resolutely began their final possession. A short completion put the Stout at midfield, but two incompletions left them with fourth down and the defense knowing they had to go for the endzone. However, few teams are as good under pressure as the defending champs and McRae hit paydirt with Muir to put the Stout ahead. The Stout unveiled some razzle-dazzle of their own as Muir caught a lateral then lofted a perfect strike to McRae for the conversion to make the final 20-13. “Basically, a completion AND a reception on the same play,” said McRae, whose tasteful Lynn Swann-style spike is adored by fans everywhere. “So it IS possible,” uttered Chartrand.

The Irish Stout ran their record to 5-0 as the ever more competitive French Foreign Legion dropped to 0-5. “We are just waiting until Terrell Owens is available,” said Arseneau, “He will come in and foster team harmony and lead us to victory!”

BOX SCORE
November 9, 2009
Irish Stout 20, French Foreign Legion 13
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Passing
-------
McRae       3 TD, 1 PAT
Arseneau    1 TD, 1 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD
Muir        1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Watkiss     1 TD
Muir        1 TD
O'Connor    1 TD, 1 PAT
McRae       1 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD, 1 PAT
Nahas       1 TD