Kanata, ON — The Obfuscated Football League concluded the 2008 season today with a matchup of depleted teams as the 4 man Irish Stout squad faced off against an almost completely retooled French Foreign Legion outfit. The Stout lined up Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Bevan “It Ain’t Cold” Watkiss, James “Let’s Run The Option” Muir, and Dan “I’m Open!” Murdock against a Legion team consisting of Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, Peter “Snow Rabbit” Arseneau, Bogdan “Holy Merde!” Nicolescu, and newcomers Tao “Heart Of” Gold, and Jon “Mean Joe” Milne. Notably missing from the Stout lineup was the league’s leading scorer, Kirk “I’m Just An Ordinary Superstar” Ireland, who mistakenly booked his spa day during game time.

The Legion started with the ball, but failed to complete a pass and punted. The Stout got off to a flashy start on their first play from scrimmage as McRae hit big tight end Dan Murdock on a crossing route and he lumbered into the end zone for a quick 6-0 lead. The Legion’s offensive woes continued as Watkiss picked off an errant Arseneau toss and the Stout scored again on a McRae to Muir pass, followed up with a McRae to Watkiss conversion for a 13-0 lead. After shuffling QB’s, the Legion settled on Milne, who calmly marched them down the field to pull within 13-6 with a Nahas TD reception. “See? It’s easy to score on these guys!” Milne quipped, “Why have you been having so many problems?”

The Stout offense responded with a drive ending in a Murdock score to bulge the lead to 19-6. After this, the Legion defense asserted itself, with Nahas intercepting McRae on the Legion goal line and Milne putting pressure on the Stout passer. Late in the game, Arseneau intercepted Muir on the option play deep in Legion territory. Now it was Arseneau’s turn at the helm and he hit paydirt with a looping pass over the outstretched arms of Watkiss that settled into the waiting hands of Milne for the score. making the final 19-12. “We didn’t lose,” Arseneau said, “we just ran out of time!”

Back at league headquarters there was some question as to whether this contest should be counted as an “official” league game. When informed of the score and team rosters, Legion GM Larisa Christensen was confident that her team had come out on top and insisted that the game count in the final standings. Upon closer inspection, she realized that the Legion came out on the short end, however, she was certain of one thing. “Our team will drink your team under the table at the season-ending banquet!”

OFL Final Standings W L
Irish Stout 8 0
French Foreign Legion 0 8
December 4, 2008
Irish Stout 19, French Foreign Legion 12

McRae       3 TD, 1 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    1 TD, 1 INT
Milne       1 TD
Muir        1 INT

Murdock     2 TD
Muir        1 TD
Nahas       1 TD
Milne       1 TD
Watkiss     1 PAT

Watkiss    1 INT
Arseneau   1 INT
Nahas      1 INT