December 2011


Kanata, ON — In a lavish luncheon at the Local Heroes in Bell’s Corners, the OFL wrapped up the 2011 season with its annual award ceremony. This year, voting was impartially calculated by Surveymonkey.com. As expected, many awards were captured by the 6-time OFL Champion Irish Stout squad, which went 7-1 against Peter’s Pirates, but the Pirates improved week after week and even ended the Stout’s long 38-game winning streak this season with a stunning 13-12 victory in week 5.

Foreign Player Of The Year

Andrew Sung Of Peter’s Pirates was the winner this year, not only for his performance on the field, but largely for the fact that he was the only non-Canadian citizen to play in the league this year. “I would like to thank my parents for conceiving and birthing me in Korea,” he said, “This is nearly as big an honor as intercepting that annoying Paul McRae in the end zone that one time.”

Rookie Of The Year

Liang Yao Of the Pirates took home the honors after a season in which he improved week to week and managed to intercept Irish Stout QB Paul McRae 3 times, including one returned for a touchdown. “I don’t know much about football, but it doesn’t take a 180 IQ like I have to figure out McRae is going to throw to Muir when the going gets tough,” he explained, “I would like to thank the league for this award, but I need to get back to my ground breaking research.”

Defensive Player Of The Year

For the first time, there was a 3-way tie for the Defensive Player award as James Muir, Bevan Watkiss, and Liang Yao were all honored with the award. “It’s about time,” said Stout safety Watkiss, “I’ve been in this league FOREVER and this is my first award!” Muir was his usual humble self commenting, “I would just like to thank the opposing QB’s for throwing those interceptions, without which I would not have been able to share this honor with such a prestigious group.” “Two awards?” exclaimed the Pirates’ Yao, “I did not know that these kinds of recognition even existed! I am very happy to accept on behalf of my teammates.”

Offensive Player Of The Year

There was little suspense here as the Stout’s James Muir, who led the league with 15 touchdowns, won the Offensive Player honors. “Well, I have to give props to my QB, Paul McRae, who managed to throw high, low, and to all points in between as I athletically snagged these touchdowns. Really, is it that hard to hit me in the hands?”

Most Valuable Player

For the sixth straight year, Stout QB Paul McRae led the league in touchdown passes with 43 in 8 games and took home the MVP trophy. “I must share this with my teammates, no one knows how important it is to stack their team as I do! I could not have done this without James, Kirk, Bevan, and Burms. But, of course, someone must place the ball perfectly in their hands to score those touchdowns! The ball doesn’t just magically get there on its own, y’know!”

Kanata, ON — The Irish Stout finished the 2011 OFL season as they started it — as champions. The 7-1 Stout overwhelmed their Superbowl opponents, Peter’s Pirates, posting a 47-13 victory that left no doubt as to which team deserved to hoist the trophy.

Playing the latest season game in OFL history, the Stout and Pirates lined up on a crisp early winter day on the frozen grass of historic Entrust Cryptography Field to decide the title. The Stout roster included legendary OFL standouts Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The Pirates were without Andrew Sung, who was either suffering from the flu or had more sense than to show up for the slaughter that was to ensue as well as Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, who was reportedly detained by Interpol. A late trade brought the dynamic Ron “Randy Moss” Burman and his acrobatic receiving skills to the lineup. Pirate regulars Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Liang “Rabbit Ears” Yao, and Tong “Rabbit Hands” Jia rounded out the team.

Starting on offense, the Stout struck quickly as Watkiss scored on a catch and run and also snagged the conversion for a 7-0 lead. McRae and the Stout were just warming up, however, as 2 TD passes to Muir and TD to Ireland were sandwiched around a Muir interception. All the Stout receivers were Biletnikoff-like in their ability to grab footballs out of the air. “Who-nikoff?” questioned Watkiss.

Finally, the Pirates got on the board with a Burman TD to make the score 26-6, but Watkiss hauled in another McRae throw and trotted into the endzone. A Muir conversion boosted the Stout lead to 33-6, which Muir followed up with another fine catch for a TD on the ensuring possession. Showing a bit of trickeration, the McRae tossed the ball back to Ireland, who hit McRae in the left corner for the PAT over the outstretched arms of Arseneau.

Burman scored again on a pass from Arseneau with Yao converting to make the score 40-13, but McRae again found his big tight end Watkiss for a TD and concluded the OFL’s 2011 scoring with a toss to Ireland for the conversion.

“I think we need to check if Muir’s gloves are legal,” said an exasperated Arseneau in the runner-up’s lockerroom, “I mean, he caught everything in this postal code!”

McRae tied his own OFL record with 7 touchdown passes in a single game. “After Drew Brees threw 5 yesterday, I took it as a personal challenge,” said McRae, “I wasn’t going to be outdone by someone who went to Purdue, for cryin’ out loud.”

While the Pirates improved week after week and stunned the Stout, ending their 38-game winning streak, the Stout were an offensive machine during the 2011 season, averaging 37 points per game on the strength of 43 touchdown passes by McRae over the 8 game season. “I really have to credit our offensive coordinator for his great game plans and play calling,” effused McRae, “Oh, wait, _I_ am the offensive coordinator!”

The humble Irish Stout finished 7-1 while Peter’s Pirates wound up at 1-7.

BOX SCORE
December 19, 2011
Irish Stout 47, Peter's Pirates 13

Passing
-------
McRae      7 TD, 4 PAT
Arseneau   2 TD, 1 PAT, 1 INT
Ireland    1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Watkiss    3 TD, 1 PAT
Muir       3 TD. 1 PAT
Burman     2 TD
Ireland    1 TD, 2 PAT 
McRae      1 PAT
Yao        1 PAT

Defense
-------
Muir       1 INT

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The Alabama Crimson Tide played its last game of the regular season against bitter in-state rival Auburn in the “Iron Bowl”. This year, the game took place in the hostile confines of Jordan-Hare Stadium. On the line for the Tide was a spot in the BCS National Championship game, which the Tide would all but lock up with a win. With LSU having won the day before, the Tide knew that they would likely have a chance to avenge their 9-6 overtime loss to the Bayou Tigers with a win over Auburn.

Just like last year, the Tide raced out to a 14-0 lead and a 24-7 lead at the half. Unlike last year, there were no Cam Newton heroics for the Auburn Tigers in the second half and the Tide went on to an easy victory, 42-14.

Powering the Tide this day was junior tailback Trent Richardson. A worth successor to Heisman winner Mark Ingram, Richardson carried the ball 27 times for personal record 203 yards against the tough Tiger defense. Richardson’s spectacular runs have made highlight shows all year long and today was no different as he ripped off a 57-yarder and scored on a short pass. Richardson allowed the Tide to control the game and made life easy for A.J. McCarron, the Tide QB, who did not have to deal with too many 3rd and long situations.

Richardson is now poised to face LSU again in the BCS Championship and will also be invited to New York for the Heisman Trophy dinner, potentially becoming only the second winner in school history. In addition, with a win against LSU, Richardson would have been part of two collegiate National Champions as well.

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The Honey Badger don’t care about Razorbacks. Honey Badger eats Razorbacks for breakfast. Look, there’s the Honey Badger catching a Razorback and eating it…

OK, enough of that, Tyrann Mathieu’s “Honey Badger” nickname might be running its course, but the fact is that Mathieu of the #1 ranked LSU Tigers turned the game against the Arkansas Razorbacks around after the Tigers staked the Razorbacks a 14-0 lead. The Tigers did manage to score a TD to pull within 14-7, then the LSU defense held the Pig-Sooheys, forcing a punt. Mathieu proceeded to dazzle the Baton Rouge crowd by weaving his way through the entire Arkansas team on route to a 92-yard touchdown to tie the game.

The Tigers didn’t look back, cruising to a 41-17 victory that put them in the SEC Championship Game and most likely a spot in the BCS National Championship on January 9.

After his strong performance, Mathieu might also be getting a trip to New York for the presentation of the big doorstop. His consistent knack for making big plays and nose for the ball (as evidenced by forcing 2 fumbles in this game) have made him the most exciting defensive player since Charles Woodson won the Heisman in 1997.

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