December 2010

The Obfuscated Football League wrapped up the 2010 season with a gala lunch held at CCJ’s Steakhouse and the 2010 OFL awards were presented in a lavish ceremony. The voting was virtually unanimous in every category except Defensive Player of the Year, which was decided by a single vote!

Most Valuable PlayerPaul McRae
“I can’t believe I won again!” screamed the typically humble signal-caller, “Of course, I bring the balls, the cones, and the coin to flip — what could be more valuable?”

Offensive Player of the YearKirk Ireland
Ireland took home the award on the strength of his league-leading 14 touchdowns. “I’d like to point out that I beat Jin on a bunch of those”, he quipped.

Defensive Player of the YearJames Muir
Narrowly edging out league interception leader Ireland, Muir won the award on the strength of not getting burned by Jin every game.

Rookie of the YearMichael Liu
Michael was unable to be present to receive his award, but calamari was ordered in his honor.

Foreign Player of the YearJin Sun Kang
Ireland was particularly happy to find out that Kang could not attend, since he was afraid Jin might steal his lunch.

DeSean Jackson electrified the NFL on consecutive weekends as his Philadelphia Eagles won road games at Dallas over the Cowboys and, in stunning fashion, at the Meadowlands over the New York Giants to take the driver’s seat in the NFC East.

Against the Cowboys, Jackson was an offensive machine, racking up 210 yards on only 4 receptions and scoring a touchdown on a 91-yard catch and run on the fourth quarter. However, this was but a warm up for the following Sunday. With 14 seconds left and the game tied at 31 after a furious comeback by the Eagles in the fourth quarter, Giants’ punter Matt Dodge caught a high snap and booted a line drive up the middle toward Jackson. Jackson bobbled the punt, reached down and scooped it up, and took off like a rocket through the middle of the Giants’ punt coverage team. He angled to the right sideline and held the ball aloft as he saw there were no defenders close enough to tackle him. In a move either demonstrating his football smarts or his hot-dogging nature, Jackson then jogged parallel to the goal line until time expired before scoring the game winning touchdown. Final: Eagles 38, Giants 31.

The touchdown capped a fourth quarter that saw the Eagles score 28 points in less than 8 minutes to win the game despite trailing 31-10. The image of Giants’ coach Tom Coughlin confronting his punter and screaming “I told you to kick it out of bounds!” will be one of the most enduring memories of the 2010 season.

Pencils on Strathmore 300 Bristol:

Inks on Strathmore 300 Bristol with PS fixups:

Colors in PS.

Click on the images for a larger version.

Kanata, ON — On a chilly -10°C day and on a snow covered Entrust Cryptography Field, the OFL finished off the 2010 season with a 27-6 victory by the Irish Stout over the expansion Co-Op Dragons. The 10-0 Stout closed out another undefeated season and claimed their fifth straight OFL championship. Admittedly, the expansion Dragons, while a plucky squad that never threw in the towel, simply lacked the gridiron experience of the defending champs. Today’s four on four battle came down to long-time OFL veterans Paul “TD Machine” McRae, James “Grizzly Adams” Muir, Kirk “I’ll Show You Some Defense” Ireland and Bevan “Looks Good In Warmups” Watkiss from the Irish Stout lining up against Carlos “Intercepted” Nahas, Marc “Intercepted” Jessome, Jin “Intercepted” Sun Kang, Michael “At Least _I_ Didn’t Get Intercepted” Liu and William “They Don’t Let Me Throw” Jia.

The game got off to a slow start as the Dragons punted and the Stout drove down to the goal line, but failed to score. Attempting to change their season-long fortunes, the Dragons mixed it up at QB with Jessome, Nahas, and Kang all taking snaps. Jessome’s attempt to hit Kang in the endzone was intercepted by Ireland and the Stout capitalized with completions down to the 1 yard line followed by an Ireland reverse to lead 6-0. Next, it was Kang’s turn to be picked off by Ireland, whose TD return was nullified by an early tag at midfield. McRae, however, threw to Muir for a TD followed by highlight reel catch by Ireland for the conversion and a 13-0 score.

The Dragons played tough defense and moved the ball on the Stout with long passes to Liu. Eventually, Jessome lofted a pass over the head of all the defenders that nestled into Liu’s arms for a score. Now at 13-6, the game was suddenly a nip-and-tuck affair. Watkiss, who had an outstanding practice, failed to hold on to a pair of TD throws, but Muir saved the day with a nifty catch in the left corner for a score. Watkiss, wide open in the middle of the endzone, held on to the convert and suddenly the score was 20-6 for the Stout. Yet another Ireland interception gave the ball back to the champs and they drove down to the 20 yard line. With a bit of razzle-dazzle, McRae tossed the ball to Ireland coming in motion then raced untouched to the endzone where Ireland found him for the TD. The last play of the 2010 season saw McRae throw a dart to Muir for the conversion and a 27-6 final.

The Co-Op Dragons held their heads high in defeat. “We got better every week,” said Kang, “But there is no substitute for playing together for years as the Stout have. Let’s get them out on the soccer pitch and kick their butts!”

The 38th straight victory by the Irish Stout sets a league record that is unlikely to be equaled. “Teams are improving all the time, it will be impossible to keep this up,” said elated Stout head coach McRae, “Given more experience, this athletic Dragon squad could easily beat us, but, thankfully, most of them are going back to school and we won’t have to play them again!”

December 9, 2010
Irish Stout 27, Co-Op Dragons 6

McRae    2 TD, 3 PAT
Ireland  1 TD
Jessome  1 TD, 1 INT
Kang     1 INT
Nahas    1 INT

Muir     2 TD, 1 PAT
Liu      1 TD
McRae    1 TD
Ireland  1 PAT
Watkiss  1 PAT

Ireland  1 TD

Ireland  3 INT

Kanata, ON — Amid the slop and mud of legendary Entrust Cryptography Field, a group of bedraggled, soaked, and cold OFL players squared off for week 9. The Irish Stout fielded Paul “I Can’t Grip a Wet Ball” McRae, James “Pass the Stickum” Muir, Kirk “Mud Doesn’t Show on a Black Jersey” Ireland and Bevan “Mudder” Watkiss while the Co-Op Dragons loaded up with Carlos “Dirty Jackal” Nahas, Peter “Wet Rabbit” Arseneau, Jin “I’m Even Fast In the Mud” Kang and, reluctantly, William “Hell No, I Won’t Go” Jia.

As expected, the play was as lousy as the weather. Passes fluttered out the the quarterback’s hands and slipped through the waiting arms of receivers while the contestants generally splashed around in the mud to no avail. McRae managed to hit Ireland on a pass down the middle early to set up a throw to Watkiss, who plucked the prolate spheroid out of the air with a grace and agility seldom seen from the big tight end. The conversion attempt was intercepted by Arseneau as the pass looped toward Muir in the wind and the rain. Following an interception of Nahas on the goal line by Ireland, the Stout again marched down the field and scored when Watkiss ignored the treacherous footing and snagged a McRae throw for a touchdown and a 12-0 lead. “I wish all the games were played like this,” he exclaimed excitedly, “It turns out these exceptionally large feet are good in the mud!”

A Muir interception of Nahas blunted another Dragon drive and McRae hit Muir with a TD toss to make the score 18-0. At this point, Jia had seen enough and retreated to the drier confines of the locker room. “I’m not standing out here in the rain and cold to get scored on,” he lamented, “I’m holding out for more money! And besides, these are my best pair of pants!”

This resulted in a strange twist where McRae took over quarterbacking duties for the Dragons on their last possession and drove them down into scoring range only to have a TD pass bounce off the large mitts of Nahas in the closing seconds. “I wanted to score badly, ” said McRae, “It would have been like what Bum Phillips said of Don Shula, ‘He can take his team and beat yours, then take your team and beat his.'”

December 1, 2010
Irish Stout 18, Co-Op Dragons 0

McRae      3 TD, 1 INT
Nahas      2 INT

Watkiss    2 TD
Muir       1 TD

Ireland    1 INT
Muir       1 INT
Arseneau   1 INT