November 2010


Auburn Tigers’ wunderkind Cam Newton might have just sewn up the big doorstop (AKA the Heisman Trophy) with his team’s stunning comeback in Tuscaloosa against the defending national champion Alabama Crimson Tide. The Tigers got down 24-0 against the Tide before roaring back to win, 28-27. Newton was spectacular in the second half and while the Tide held him in check on the ground (22 rushes for only 39 yards) he completed 13 of 20 for 216 yards and 3 big touchdowns.

The Tigers are now poised to battle for the national championship if they can get by the Ole Ball Coach and the South Carolina Gamecocks in the SEC Championship Game. With Boise State’s stunning loss at Nevada, it looks like the high flying Oregon Ducks are likely to be their opponents. With the scoring punch of both these teams, it should be an exciting game.

Pencils on Strathmore 300 Bristol:

Inks on Strathmore 300 Bristol with PS fixups:

Colors in PS. Click on the images for a larger version.

Kanata, ON — After two weeks of substandard football, the OFL’s top team, the Irish Stout, put together a nearly flawless performance. Facing off against the expansion Co-Op Dragons, the Stout wasted no time racing out to a 20-0 lead and cruising to victory. Perhaps the Stout were buoyed by the addition of Ron “Randy Moss” Burman and Louis “Dropped Another One” Aubin. The squad was rounded out with regulars Paul “Remembered To Bring The Hotpockets” McRae, Bevan “I Can Suddenly Catch” Watkiss and Kirk “Even William Can Cover Me” Ireland. Notably missing from the Stout was tight end James Muir, who was double-booked with his knitting class. The Dragons lined up Peter “‘Stache” Arseneau, Marc “Stretch” Jessome, Jin “Deep Threat” Kang, Johnny “Toque” O’Connor, and William “I Can Cover Kirk With The Back Of My Head” Jia.

It was a chilly but sunny afternoon at historic Entrust Cryptography Field as the OFL kicked off week 8. The Stout won the toss, deferred, and the Dragons began at their 20. The Stout continued to play the same tough defense that characterized their performance over the past few weeks and the Dragons failed to score. McRae then lofted a TD to Watkiss and the big tight end made a nice catch for a 6-0 lead. A conversion to Ireland followed and just like that it was 7-0. Defense and efficient offense continued for the entire first half as McRae tossed TD’s to Burman and Aubin as well as a conversion to Watkiss for a 20-0 lead. During this sequence, Ireland also made a leaping interception of Arseneau as he tried to hit Jessome in the right corner of the endzone.

The wily Arseneau eventually did find Kang with a beautiful rainbow that landed over Kang’s right shoulder as a bewildered Aubin watched with bemusement. The Stout lead was shaved to 20-6, but McRae and the Stout were far from done as TD throws to Ireland and again to Watkiss coupled with a conversion to Burman ran the score to a total of 33 points. The Stout defense stiffened, especially shutdown corner Burman, who isolated on the dangerous Kang. “Darrelle Revis, eat your heart out, baby!” exclaimed Burman, “It’s Burman Island in the OFL!”

“We left a lot of points out on the field today,” analyzed a dejected Arseneau, “But we WILL rally and we WILL play good football!” Holding back a tear, Arseneau then left hastily for his regularly scheduled lunch with Dick Vermeil.

BOX SCORE
November 24, 2010
Irish Stout 33, Co-Op Dragons 6

Passing
-------
McRae      5 TD, 3 PAT
Arseneau   1 TD, 1 INT

Receiving
---------
Watkiss    2 TD, 1 PAT
Burman     1 TD, 1 PAT
Ireland    1 TD, 1 PAT
Aubin      1 TD
Kang       1 TD

Defense
--------
Ireland    1 INT

Kanata, ON — The defending champion Irish Stout looked anything but in barely defeating the expansion Co-Op Dragons 12-0 in this week’s OFL game. The Stout fielded most of their stalwarts, including Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, James “Smooth” Muir and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The Dragon roster consisted of Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Michael “Squid” Liu, Jin “Shifty” Kang and William “Hands of Stone” Jia.

The Dragons started with the ball, but as they would all day, failed to move it against a Stout defense that lived up to the nickname. McRae and the Stout fared no better. Finally, the Dragons mounted a drive highlighted by the quick passing of Arseneau to Kang. In range of the goal line, however, the Dragons trickeration resulted in disaster as the flea-flicker pitch to Jia resulted in an ill-advised toss that was intercepted by Muir in the Stout endzone. “Oh, I’m supposed to throw it to MY teammate,” said an astonished Jia after the game, “I still really haven’t figured out all the rules yet.”

Perhaps motivated by the turnover, the Stout marched the length of the field and finally dented the scoreboard with a McRae throw to Ireland for a 6-0 lead. Naturally, the conversion attempt was unsuccessful. As the game went on, it was clear the Football Gods were not smiling on Entrust Cryptography Field on this day as the quality of play seemingly set football back many decades. Out of bounds passes, ridiculously high throws, and poor routes marred the contest, highlighted, if that is the word, by an intended deep pass from McRae that went virtually straight up in the air and only a few yards forward. Even more bizarre was that the pass was actually caught by Ireland for a short gain rather than intercepted or falling incomplete. “It slipped!” exclaimed McRae, “I thought the Stickum was supposed to prevent this!”

Neither side exhibited a great deal of football skill or athleticism and the scoring concluded with a late touchdown pass from McRae to Muir to make the final 12-0. OFL Commissioner Paul McRae was unimpressed at the postgame press conference. “Our fans deserve better. The networks aren’t going to renew our contracts if we keep putting a product like this on the field.” Informed that the OFL does not and never has had a TV contract, McRae responded, “Well, we aren’t going to get one unless we play better!”

BOX SCORE
November 18, 2010
Irish Stout 12, Co-Op Dragons 0

Passing
-------
McRae      2 TD
Jia        1 INT

Receiving
---------
Ireland    1 TD
Muir       1 TD

Defense
--------
Muir       1 INT

Kanata, ON — The defending champion Irish Stout moved to 6-0 on the 2010 season with a 25-18 victory over the Co-Op Dragons, but it certainly wasn’t easy. Several defections affected the rosters of both teams as Marc “Shoes” Jessome was a scratch due to being inadequately shod, Bevan “Ow-ey” Watkiss was rehabilitating a sore forelimb, and Ron “Fair Weather” Burman was sleeping off the victory party from the previous week. The Stout lined up Johnny “Butterfingers” O’Connor, James “Butterfingers” Muir, Kirk “Butterfingers” Ireland and Paul “How Many Different Ways Can You Curse Dropped Passes?” McRae to start the game. The Dragons initially could only field Peter “Laser Arm” Arseneau, William “How Do You Catch This Thing” Jia, and Michael “The Squid” Liu. Slotback Jin “Lightening” Kang was late getting to the contest, but managed to join his teammates for the second quarter.

Starting 3on3, the Dragons took the ball at their 20 and calmly marched to a touchdown as the long arms of Liu came down with the ball over Muir. Leading 6-0, the Dragons returned to the offensive after back to back drops by Muir and Ireland led to a rare Stout punt. With the addition of Kang, Arseneau fixed his steely gaze on the Stout defense and threw another looping pass to Liu that cleared the outstretched arms of Muir for a stunning 12-0 lead. Drops for both sides continued as the teams exchanged punts. “I haven’t seen offensive football like this since Pop Warner,” groused McRae, “Don’t you guys know I carry Stickum in my bag?”

The slow-starting Stout have been down before however, and McRae finally connected with Ireland on a long bomb to close the gap to 12-6. Following a Dragon punt, McRae then hit O’Connor with a deep throw to the one yard line and followed up with a quick toss to Muir in the left corner. Suddenly it was all knotted up at 12-12. In the past, the Dragons might have folded and allowed the Stout to run away with the game, but on this day the young squad had other ideas. Using quick end-arounds to Kang and short passes, the Dragons moved into scoring territory with the payoff coming with yet another Arseneau to Liu TD. The Dragons now had a lead of 18-12.

Time was running out as McRae barked out the signals on the Stout 20. A short pass to Muir put the Stout at midfield, followed by a scoring pass to Ireland. As the game stood tied at 18-18, the Stout’s shifty offense created an opening for Ireland in the left corner as he caught the conversion and hit the back pylon for a 19-18 lead. McRae was still venting, “I threw 7 TD’s last week and 7 today but only 3 of them were actually caught!”

The Dragons still had a last gasp, but they were unable to capture the magic of their early possessions. After 3 straight running plays, another McRae-Ireland TD on the final possession provided the insurance and the Stout barely escaped Entrust Cryptography Field with a victory — their 34th straight. The defeated Dragons held their heads high knowing they had taken the Stout to the brink. “The Stout are who we thought they were and that’s why we took the damned field,” screamed Arseneau at the post-game press conference, “If you want to crown them, crown their ass! They are who we thought they were and we let them off the hook!” He then stormed out, apparently late for lunch with his long time pal, Dennis Green.

BOX SCORE
November 10, 2010
Irish Stout 25, Co-Op Dragons 18

Passing
-------
McRae      4 TD, 1 PAT
Arseneau   3 TD

Receiving
---------
Ireland    3 TD, 1 PAT
Liu        3 TD
Muir       1 TD

The Oregon Ducks are the #1 team in the nation and their talented sophomore running back, LaMichael James, is big factor in that lofty status. Running the spread offense at a breakneck pace, the Ducks are averaging 57 points per game and over 300 yards rushing. Against the USC Trojans, Oregon scored 53 points and James rambled through the Men of Troy for 239 yards and 3 touchdowns on 36 carries. It does not look like any college football team can outscore the Ducks this year which should make for an interesting scenario at season’s end when it is virtually assured that there will be more than 2 undefeated teams. Oregon should get credit for playing a major conference schedule against the likes of USC, Stanford, Oregon State, and Cal.

Pencils on Strathmore 300 Bristol:

Inks on Strathmore 300 Bristol with PS fixup:

Colors in PS.

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