November 2009


The Texas Longhorns’ Colt McCoy may have won himself the Heisman Trophy with his amazing performance against rival Texas AandM Thursday night. The Aggies were up for the game and gave Texas all it could handle, but McCoy was virtually unstoppable, passing for 304 yards and 4 touchdowns as well as rushing for 175 yards on 18 carries, including a 65 yard touchdown. Without McCoy, the Longhorns would not have survived the onslaught of the Aggies led by their junior sensation QB Jerrod Johnson, who also passed for 4 touchdowns.

The game was still in doubt with 3 minutes to go when A&M missed a short field goal that would have pulled them to within 7 points. Texas ran out the clock on a dramatic 49-39 win that, coupled with a win over Nebraska in the Big 12 Championship Game, virtually assures Texas of a spot in the BCS Championship.

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Pencils on Strathmore 300 vellum:

Inks on Strathmore 300 smooth with PS fixups:

Colors in PS.

Kanata, ON — On a drizzly afternoon at historic Entrust Cryptography Field, the OFL’s 8-0 Irish Stout faced off against their bitter rivals, the 0-8 French Foreign Legion, in a contest that, on paper, rivaled the Thanksgiving Day offering of the NFL’s Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions. At long last, flanker Ron “Randy Moss” Burman joined his Legion teammates. “My soul patch has come in perfectly and I have finished the final trimming,” he said, “Let’s play some football!” Paired with scoring sensation Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, the Legion now possessed possibly the most dangerous receiving tandem in their long, sad history. Joining them at kickoff were QB Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, John “Are you Sarah” O’Connor, and Josh “Tank” Lucas. The Stout lined up with Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Louis “Plus Vite” Aubin, and Bevan “Bigfoot” Watkiss. Noticeably missing from the Stout squad was All-World Kirk Ireland, who had sustained an ankle injury during his appearance on “Dancing With The Stars”. Stout GM McRae was not amused, as these kinds of activities were explicitly prohibited in his contract. “How was I supposed to know that Muir can’t jitterbug,” complained Ireland, “He was supposed to be the professional and I came right down on his foot!”

The Legion won the toss and took the ball, but their first possession ended in an Arseneau interception as Muir picked him off at the one yard line. Deep in their own territory, the Stout maneuvered out of the shadow of their own goal posts then McRae hit the home run with a long bomb to Aubin to make the early score 7-0. “My knee, she feel OK right now,” Aubin commented, “She always feel good in the endzone, oui!”

At this point, Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas arrived to play for the Legion squad. A mid-game trade saw Lucas moved to the Stout side for the duration. Despite these personnel shenanigans, the contest unfolded in a familiar pattern. Unable to score, the Legion punted to the Stout and McRae again connected with Aubin on a long pass for the TD, followed up with an Aubin PAT completion and a 13-0 lead. After this, the Legion defense started backpedaling before the Stout broke the huddle. The Legion offense continued to have problems, however, but a subsequent Stout drive was abruptly curtailed with a Chartrand interception of McRae in the Legion endzone. Arseneau then hit Burman with a deep pass to trim the deficit to 13-6. “No problem,” said Burman, “Scoring on these clowns is easy!”

The Stout retaliated with a long McRae pass to Muir over the outstretched arms of Nahas and suddenly it was 19-6. Coming right back was the Legion as Arseneau threw a pass that was tipped by the defending Muir but still caught by Chartrand in the back of the endzone. The score now stood at 19-12. The Stout, however, were not yet done scoring as McRae completed a TD to Watkiss and followed up with a conversion to Lucas for a 26-12 lead. On their next possession, the Stout showed a little razzle-dazzle as Aubin caught a lateral from McRae and launched a rainbow to Muir for a score to make the final 32-12, eerily similar to Green Bay’s 34-12 win over Detroit in that “other” league.

“Even Burman couldn’t save us,” opined Nahas after the game, “Maybe we need to team up Chartrand, Burman, and the REAL Randy Moss. Yeah, that’s the ticket!”

The 2009 OFL Season statistics can be seen here.

BOX SCORE
November 26, 2009
Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 12

Passing
-------
McRae       4 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    2 TD, 1 INT
Aubin       1 TD

Receiving
---------
Aubin       2 TD, 1 PAT
Muir        2 TD
Burman      1 TD
Chartrand   1 TD
Watkiss     1 TD
Lucas       1 PAT

Defense
--------
Chartrand   1 INT
Muir        1 INT

Philip Rivers completed 17 of 22 passes for 145 yards and a touchdown as the San Diego Chargers defeated the Denver Broncos at Investco 32-3 to take over first place in the AFC West. Rivers has led the Chargers to 5 consecutive wins and is the seventh highest rated QB in the NFL. His consistent play has turned the Chargers from an underachieving squad to the hottest team in the league.

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Kanata, ON — This was it. Finally. After a season of disappointment, the French Foreign Legion had finally assembled a bevy of athletes worthy of taking on the defending OFL champion Irish Stout. Armed with their new playbook, steady QB Peter Arseneau, lightning fast Louis Aubin, rookie scoring sensation Gerry Chartrand, sure handed Carlos Nahas and ready-to-rumble John O’Connor, the Legion, healthy and ready to challenge the juggernaut, strode out onto legendary Entrust Cryptography Field. The confident Stout, winners of eight straight this season and riding high with a league record 25-game win streak lined up with leading passer Paul McRae (27 touchdown passes), leading scorer Kirk Ireland (8 TD’s), leading man good looks James Muir, and leading hominid Bevan Watkiss.

The game opened shakily for the Stout as McRae threw an interception to Aubin. “Damn, that is going to ruin my perfect passer rating,” McRae complained, “Wasn’t he on our team just a minute ago?” The Stout held, however, and a miffed McRae moved the team down the field to paydirt, connecting with Muir for the TD and a 6-0 lead. After stopping the Legion again, the Stout struck on a McRae to Watkiss completion to take a 12-0 lead. “Hey, where is MY touchdown?” complained Ireland.

The Legion showed a steely determination in scoring on a long Arseneau to O’Connor bomb to make the score 12-6. “It was a HANDBALL,” O’Connor cried, still going on about the previous day’s Ireland/France soccer match, “He even admitted it!” What this had to do with the contest at hand was unclear, but there was little time to debate as McRae launched a prayer answered by Muir in the endzone for a 18-6 lead followed by a conversion to Watkiss to make it 19-6. After another defensive stop, McRae matriculated the ball down the field with the payoff coming on a Watkiss catch and a 25-6 lead.

“Calice, tabernack!”, screamed Aubin, “We are better than this! Sacrament, give me the damn ball!” Aubin took the snap and launched one of his customary rockets into the stratosphere that, upon re-entry, nestled comfortably into the hands of a streaking Chartrand for the touchdown, trimming the Stout lead to 25-12. Another long completion to Chartrand on the next possession put the ball at the Stout 1-yard line, where Arseneau flipped a short pass to Nahas on the back line to make the score 25-18. With the Legion having the last possession, they only needed a defensive stop get the ball back and try to send this affair into overtime. The Stout would have none of it, however, as they moved the ball down the field and McRae threw to Muir for his third touchdown catch of the day in the right corner. To top it off, Muir took the lateral from McRae and converted the TD with a throw to Watkiss. A desperate possession by the Legion failed to net any points and the final stood at 32-18.

“Burman, Burman,” muttered Nahas in the tunnel after the game, “We need Burman to put us over the top.” But the much heralded Ron Burman has yet to appear in an OFL game this season as he deals with facial hair issues. Rumor has it he will not grace such a public venue as a football game until his soul patch has grown in perfectly. With bated breath, the OFL awaits.

Meanwhile, a frustrated Ireland failed to record a score or interception for the first time in his storied OFL career dating back to 2002 though he was noted for playing exceptional defense during the game. Asked about being surpassed by Muir for the OFL scoring lead at the post game press conference, a fuming Ireland, adorned in dark glasses with a baseball cap pulled low over his face, gravely intoned, “Don’t they realize this is about ME? Forget T.O., what about K.I.?”

BOX SCORE
November 19, 2009
Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 18

Passing
-------
McRae       5 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    2 TD
Aubin       1 TD

Receiving
---------
Muir        3 TD
Watkiss     2 TD, 2 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD
Nahas       1 TD
O'Connor    1 TD

Defense
--------
Aubin       1 INT

Kanata, ON — The Irish Stout rode a couple of lucky bounces to victory today in exciting OFL action as they bested their rival, the French Foreign Legion, 32-19. The Stout fielded the OFL’s all-time leading passer, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, its all-time leading scorer, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, it’s all-time mathematician, James “Smooth” Muir, and its all-time butt of jokes, Bevan “Hands Of Stone” Watkiss. The Legion put together a spunky group chomping at the bit to get another shot at the Stout: Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau, Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, and the recently traded John “Nicotine” O’Connor. Conspicuously missing from the Legion line-up was prolific scorer Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, who “officially” was out of town on business but rumors persisted that he was actually trying out for another team. Missing from the Stout was Dan “Danimal” Murdock, who continues to nurse an injured foot. “If fried chicken is the cure, I should be back soon,” commented Murdock, “Can you pass the gravy?”

The Stout wasted no time in taking a 6-0 lead on a McRae to Ireland connection, followed by a McRae to Watkiss strike that boosted the margin to 12-0. However, the Legion had something new in store for the Stout as offensive coordinator Carlos Nahas installed a multiple option, no-huddle attack. With Arseneau throwing highly accurate passes, the Legion took the lead on touchdowns to the streaking O’Connor and Nahas, who also tallied a conversion. The score stood at 13-12 for the Legion, who looked primed for the upset. That is when things went a little wonky.

The Stout drove down to the Legion 20 yard line and McRae dropped back to throw. He launched a strike to Ireland in the endzone, but he could not hold on and the ball bounced up and into the waiting arms of Watkiss for the score. “Just like we drew it up in the huddle,” quipped an exuberant McRae, After a conversion by Muir, the score stood at 19-13 for the Stout. Just to show that it was not a fluke, on the next drive a McRae pass caromed off Nahas in the endzone and was caught by Muir to bulge the lead to 25-13. “Hitting Carlos’s shoulder at that angle takes a precise throw,” said McRae, “Not just anyone can do that, y’know.”

After the Legion failed to gain a first down, McRae dropped back and threw a laser to a cutting Muir and followed that up with a conversion to Ireland against the zone defense. The Stout lead now ballooned to 32-13 and McRae was heard yodeling “Turn out the lights, the party’s over!” in his finest Don Meredith twang.

The Legion scored on a long Arseneau to Nahas completion after Nahas narrowly avoided the tag. That ended the scoring with the Stout victorious at 32-19.

“We take ‘em as we find ‘em,” said McRae after the game, in reference to the lucky bounces for TD’s, “We might have to put that in the playbook!”

BOX SCORE
November 16, 2009
Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 19

Passing
-------
McRae       5 TD, 2 PAT
Arseneau    3 TD, 1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Muir        2 TD, 1 PAT
Nahas       2 TD, 1 PAT
Watkiss     2 TD
Ireland     1 TD, 1 PAT
O'Connor    1 TD

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