October 2009

For proof that you don’t have to tote the rock a lot to be the POTW, look no further than Philadelphia’s DeSean Jackson. In Monday’s game against the division rival Washington Redskins, the Eagle’s speedy receiver opened the scoring with a 67-yard end around to give Philadelphia a 7-0 lead. His second touch came at the two minute warning when on third and 22, Donovan McNabb hit Jackson deep for a 57-yard TD to make the score 27-7 at the half. That was all the Eagles needed to put away the Skins, with a final score of 27-17.

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The undefeated New York Giants visited the Big Easy after dispatching an array of lackluster tomato cans and were strafed by New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees, who threw for 369 yards and four touchdown passes on pinpoint 23 of 30 passing. During one stretch, Brees put together 15 consecutive completions. With their decisive 48-27 victory, the Saints are arguably the best team in the NFC if not in the NFL. At their current pace, they will shatter the 2007 Patriots’ single season scoring record.

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Kanata, ON — On a chilly Friday afternoon at historic Entrust Cryptography Field, the Irish Stout produced a workman-like 20-6 victory over their arch nemesis, the French Foreign Legion. The Stout roster was truncated with the loss of tight end Bevan Watkiss, who tweaked his ankle in a bizarre gardening accident and had to sit out the contest. The remaining Stout stalwarts, QB Paul “Forgot The Hotpockets” McRae, slotback Kirk “I’m Not A Practice Player” Ireland, receiver (and I use that term generously) James “Needs More Stickum” Muir, and big tight end Dan “For God’s Sake, Throw It At My Head!” Murdock squared off against a Legion squad consisting of Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, John “Guinness” O’Connor, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, and rookie Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau.

Each team failed to score on its opening possession, then McRae hit Ireland on a long throw over the outstretched arms of O’Connor. A quick conversion to Murdock followed and the Stout led 7-0. After an Ireland interception of Arseneau on 4th down at the Stout 1 yard line stopped a Legion threat, the Stout matriculated their way down the field via the run and the pass and cashed in on a TD toss to Ireland for a 13-0 lead.

The Legion responded with a drive of their own to make the score 13-6 as Arseneau connected with sensational rookie Chartrand. “Since we keep finishing at the bottom of the standings, we get high draft picks like Gerry here. That is our formula for success!” said the Legion GM, “It’s working for the Oakland Raiders, isn’t it?”

After a sensational interception by emerging defensive force Dan Murdock, the Stout struck once again on a long pass to Ireland to the Legion 2 followed by a quick strike to Murdock for the touchdown. After dropping a pair of touchdowns on the day, Muir finally hauled in a pass for the conversion to make the score 20-6. “I can’t believe it is possible to not catch Paul’s perfect passes,” Muir said, “It is truly a mystery for the ages.”

A final Legion drive failed to net any points as Arseneau’s end zone catch from Chartrand was ruled incomplete as he failed to stay in bounds. The Stout run their record to 3-0 as the Legion, alas, falls to 0-3. After his team failed to exceed 21 points, Stout Owner, GM, Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, and QB Paul McRae was quoted as saying, “If we don’t perform better in the next game, I might have to take play calling responsibilities away from myself! I wonder if Jim Zorn is available?”

October 23, 2009
Irish Stout 20, French Foreign Legion 6

McRae       3 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    1 TD, 2 INT

Ireland     2 TD
Murdock     1 TD, 1 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD
Muir        1 PAT

Ireland     1 INT
Murdock     1 INT
O'Connor    1 INT

Kanata, ON — The beat goes on as the Irish Stout football team continued its winning ways with a 26-6 victory over a spunky French Foreign Legion team on a beautiful autumn afternoon at legendary Entrust Cryptography Field.

The Stout lined up its usual assortment of All-OFL talent including leading passer Paul “Pad My Stats” McRae, Kirk “Where’s MY Touchdown?” Ireland, James “Yes, I _Am_ Really Trying” Muir, Bevan “Stickum” Watkiss, and Dan “Warren Sapp” Murdock. The French Foreign Legion was stocked with veterans Peter “It’s windy out here” Arseneau, John “This ain’t Gaelic” O’Connor, Bogdan “Blast from the Past” Nicolescu, and newcomer Josh “Cornelius” Lucas.

The Legion won the toss and deferred. McRae was uncharacteristically inaccurate on his early passes and the Stout had to punt. Working from the 20, Arseneau connected on passes to Lucas and O’Connor before hitting the home run ball to Nicolescu for a quick 6-0 Legion lead. “What, he can actually catch now?” Watkiss said, “He must have been at football camp all these months!”

The Stout didn’t take this lying down, however, scoring with New England Patriot-like efficiency on the next four possessions. McRae to Muir, Murdock conversion, McRae to Watkiss, McRae to Ireland, Muir conversion, and finally McRae to Murdock. While this offensive explosion was going on, Murdock was terrorizing the Legion backfield sacking Arseneau twice. “We just couldn’t get on track with the pressure,” Arseneau said, “I tried to distract him with a Twinky, but he was having none of it.”

The Stout are now 2-0 on this young season with the Legion falling to 0-2.

October 19, 2009
Irish Stout 26, French Foreign Legion 6

McRae       4 TD, 2 PAT
Arseneau    1 TD

Muir        1 TD, 1 PAT
Murdock     1 TD, 1 PAT
Ireland     1 TD
Nicolescu   1 TD
Watkiss     1 TD

After sustaining a concussion against Kentucky last week, things didn’t look good for Florida’s All-American, Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Tim Tebow as the Gators headed into Death Valley to face the 4th ranked LSU Tigers. However, at the eleventh hour, the Florida medical staff cleared Tebow and he ended up taking every offensive snap as the Gators won for the first time at LSU under Urban Meyer by the score of 13-3.

In a tough, close fought game, the difference might have come down to Tebow, who managed to convert several third downs for the Gators while LSU was unable to gain any offensive momentum. Tebow ran 17 times for 38 yards and completed 11 of 16 passes for 134 yards with one touchdown and one interception. Though his stats were modest, Tebow’s third down short yardage runs were crucial to keeping Florida’s drives alive. The #1 ranked Gators will face the Arkansas Razorbacks next week.

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