November 2006

Dwayne Jarrett

Dwayne Jarrett helped keep USC in the National Championship hunt by scoring 3 touchdowns against Notre Dame.

LT Scores 4 TD's against Denver

LaDainian Tomlinson continues to vie for NFL MVP honors with his 20 carries for 105 yeards and 3 touchdowns rushing, 1 receiving. He has scored 4 touchdowns in two consecutive games.

Kanata, ON — It was a beautiful day for football at historic Entrust Cryptography Field as the Irish Stout football team demonstrated why they have led the league from the opening day to the final gun by defeating the French Foreign Legion 28-19 to claim the 2006 Obfuscated Football League championship.

Stout quarterback Paul McRae was razor sharp on the Stout’s first three drives, throwing only a single incompletion while completing three touchdown passes. After stopping the Legion on their opening possession, the Stout took control and quickly moved down the field on passes to Kirk Ireland with the payoff to big tight end Dan Murdock in the left corner of the endzone. Ireland then converted the score with a catch along the back line. The Stout quickly led 7-0. “If this doesn’t help my MVP candidacy, then the voters are imbeciles,” said the typically humble McRae.

After another failed Legion drive, the Stout took over and McRae hit Ireland with a touchdown. Murdock caught the PAT to put the Stout up 14-0. Ireland commented after the game, “It is getting a little cold out there and my mousse is starting to ice up — how long can this go on?” The Legion finally responded with a spectacular catch and run touchdown by Matias Madou, who eluded numerous defenders to score on a Reggie Bush-like romp. This tightened the game at 14-6. “I keek touchdown!” he exclaimed, “Gooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!”

McRae was undaunted, however, and drove the Stout down the field to go ahead 21-6 on an Murdock touchdown and conversion. After stopping the Stout on downs, the Legion closed the gap to 21-13 on another Madou touchdown and Yves Charron conversion.

Charron intercepted a poorly thrown McRae pass intended for Bevan Watkiss at the Legion 1 yard line, but the Legion was only able to move the ball to midfield on their ensuing drive. “I hope the video captured dat one,” said Charron, “My highlight film, she be very short dis year.”

While the game was in progress, the squads expanded to 5 members each as rookie Hongrui Dong joined the Legion and veteran Sean Hope rejoined his Irish Stout teammates. Immediately after this, Ireland made an athletic defensive play to intercept Legion QB Peter Arseneau and run the ball back across midfield. From there, McRae connected with Ireland for the insurance touchdown despite a strong rush from Dong, who was counting off steamboats rapidly in his head. Sean Hope snagged the conversion to put the Stout up 28-13, showing no ill effects from the strange malady that has plagued him for weeks.

On their final possession, the Legion retained a modicum of dignity when Madou scored the last touchdown of the 2006 season to make the final score 28-19.

There was some controversy over the game MVP, with some leaning towards Madou’s spectular effort in a losing cause and others voting for the Stout’s Murdock, who was seemingly open all day. Strangely overlooked was the Stout QB McRae, whose calm efficiency and humility is generally taken for granted by both sides. The MVP will be awarded a shiny new Escalade as soon as the League commissioner has time to pick one up at Toys R Us.

The Irish Stout finished their impressive campaign 11-1 while the French Foreign Legion went 1-11. The Stout earned their record with consistent offensive play featuring a single quarterback and solid defensive play using their man-on-man alignment. The Legion tried a variety of solutions at quarterback before seeming to settle on Peter Arseneau toward the end of the season. However, in the championship game, Louis Aubin and Arseneau shared the passing duties, but neither was able to get anything going until the contest was effectively decided. The always innovative OFL continues to investigate the possibility of an indoor season during the winter months. “Thank goodness,” said Ireland, “My nails can’t take anymore of this dirt and grime.”

Box Score
OFL 2006 Season Statistics

Frank Gore, San Francisco 49'ers

Frank Gore rushes for 212 yards on 24 carries as the 49er’s defeat the Seahawks 20-14.

Earl Campbell, Houston Oilers

Earl Campbell, Houston Oilers.

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