September 2006


KANATA, ON — In what is becoming an increasingly regular occurrence,
the Irish Stout football team today blasted the French Foreign
Legion 32-6 in a contest not as close as the final score would
indicate.

Despite throwing his first two interceptions of the season, Stout QB
Paul McRae was sharp in completing 5 touchdown passes, running his
league-leading total to 26. Everyone on the Stout squad got into the
act, but Kirk Ireland was especially impressive scoring three times on
long throws from McRae. “I have an appointment with my stylist later
today, so I just let my hair down and went for it,” he effused after
the contest, “Don’t you think it will look cute when cut short?”

The game will also be remembered for Dan Murdock’s spectacular TD
celebration, a sort of Chad-Johnson-meets-Moby-Dick affair that will
haunt the mind’s eye of those present for years to come.

Legion QB Louis Aubin was frustrated all day and failed to lead a TD
drive while taking the snap. “This would be bad enough, but I am
also experiencing a burning sensation when I pee,” he commented, “Tings
are not going well right now.”

Backup QB Yves Charron led the only scoring drive for the Legion,
finished off with a spectacular leaping grab by Aubin but it came long
after the outcome was no longer in doubt. “We’ll have to look at the
film and see where we can improve,” he quipped, “As for my team’s
execution, I’m in favor of it.”

Box Score
---------

Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 6
September 26, 2006

Receiving
=========
Stout
-----
Watkiss 1 TD, 1 PAT
Ireland 3 TD's
Murdock 1 TD, 1 PAT

Legion
------
Aubin 1 TD

Passing
=======
Stout
-----
McRae 5 TD passes, 2 INT's

Legion
------
Charron 1 TD pass
Aubin 1 INT

Defense
=======
Stout
-----
Ireland 1 INT

Legion
-----
Charron 1 INT
Aubin 1 INT

KANATA, ON — At sold-out historic Entrust Cryptography Field, the
Irish Stout defeated a spunky French Foreign Legion squad 31-12 on the
strength of 5 touchdown passes by OFL passing leader Paul McRae and two
spectacular interception runbacks that set up scores by Kirk Ireland.

The Legion scored on the opening play of the contest, staggering the
Stout with a long Charron to Aubin completion over stunned defender
Kirk Ireland. “I was fixing my hair when he blew by me,” said the
flustered Ireland after the game.

The Stout regrouped quickly, however, and McRae threw a long
bomb to Ireland to even the score. After forcing a rare Stout punt on
their next possession, the Legion took a 12-6 lead on a Charron to
Arseneau completion in the right corner of the endzone. “Zut, alors!”
exclaimed Aubin, “Tings are going to be different today, tabernoch!”

Galvanized by this turn of events, the Stout squad focused and the
floodgates opened. On four of five possessions, the Stout scored
unanswered touchdowns, with the other possession ending on the Legion
1 yard line. The onslaught ended with a Watkiss score in the left
corner on the final possession of the game, McRae’s 21st touchdown pass
of this young season. Once again, the Stout had difficulty with
PAT’s, with only McRae scoring the point after on a razzle dazzle
play with Ireland taking the pitch and throwing for the conversion.

The orange-clad Stout ran its record to 4-0, while the Legion dropped
to 0-4.

Box Score
---------

Irish Stout 31, French Foreign Legion 12
September 21, 2006

Receiving
=========
Stout
-----
Watkiss 1 TD
Ireland 3 TD's
Murdock 1 TD
McRae 1 PAT

Legion
------
Arseneau 1 TD
Aubin 1 TD

Passing
=======
Stout
-----
McRae 5 TD passes

Legion
------
Charron 2 TD passes
Aubin 2 INT

Defense
=======
Stout
-----
Ireland 2 INT

KANATA, ON — The Irish Stout defeated the French Foreign Legion on
a wet and slippery Entrust Field today 31-18. Despite spotty passing
from their normally laser-armed QB, Paul McRae, the Stout made enough
grabs to take the lead after trailing 6-0 and win going away with a
touchdown on their final possession.

Mo Elabd was valiant in a losing cause, especially on the defensive
side of the ball where he thwarted several Stout drives with acrobatic
pass defenses. “He made dat good play dare,” said Legion QB Yves
Charron, “We need more good play like dat.”

McRae found his big receivers on mostly short passes and negotiated
down the field on virtually every possession. Flanker
Dan Murdock also got into the act, tossing a TD to McRae off a
reverse. The Stout continued to have trouble with conversions,
missing all but one. “We really have to work on that aspect of our
game,” said Coach McRae, “We can’t leave points out there like that.
Plus, I took the over.”

Louis Aubin and Kirk Ireland missed today’s contest. Aubin is
suffering from illness, presumably something sexually transmitted.
Ireland was worried about his hair potentially getting mussed on the
wet field and this having a deleterious effect on his devastating good
looks. Hopefully with some penicillin, higher quality mousse, and
good weather, both will return in next week’s action.

Box Score
---------

Irish Stout 31, French Foreign Legion 18
September 19, 2006

Receiving
=========
Stout
-----
Watkiss 1 TD
Murdock 3 TD's, 1 PAT
McRae 1 TD

Legion
------
Arseneau 1 TD
Elabd 1 TD
Charron 1 TD

Passing
=======
Stout
-----
McRae 4 TD passes
Murdock 1 TD pass

Legion
------
Arseneau 1 TD pass
Charron 2 TD passes, 1 INT

Defense
=======
Stout
-----
Murdock 1 INT

KANATA, ON — The Irish Stout Football Club routed the French
Foreign Legion 39-6 today in OFL action. The Stout squad of Paul McRae,
Dan Murdock, and Bevan Watkiss overwhelmed an athletic but ineffective
Legion team of Yves Charron, Peter Arseneau, and Mo Elabd.

“We were lacking in coordination, pass catching, throwing, and coverage
skills, but other than that I think we made a lot of progress this
week,” said embattled Legion QB Yves Charron.

Both teams played without star players, Stout missing Kirk Ireland due
to an emergency pub crawl and the Legion without Louis Aubin, who had to
deal with an unexpected paternity case.

Box Score
---------

Irish Stout 39, French Foreign Legion 6
September 5, 2006

Receiving
=========
Stout
-----
Murdock 3 TD's, 2 PAT
Watkiss 3 TD's, 1 PAT

Legion
------
Arseneau 1 TD

Passing
=======
Stout
-----
McRae 6 TD passes

Legion
------
Charron 1 TD pass, 2 INT

Defense
=======
Stout
-----
Murdock 1 INT
Watkiss 1 INT