OFL 2006


The 2006 OFL awards were announced today, to be celebrated in a lavish ceremony at a later date. As expected, the 11-1 Irish Stout picked up many of the individual honors.

Most Valuable Player: Paul McRae, QB, Irish Stout

Clearly, McRae’s season long dominating performance, including 48 touchdown passes (tying his own league record), were not lost on the highly perceptive and intelligent voters. When informed of winning his second consecutive MVP award, McRae gushed, “I couldn’t have done it without my tackified Wilson fully inflated football.”

Offensive Player of the Year: Kirk Ireland, Slotback, Irish Stout

Ireland proved unstoppable all season, leading the league in scoring with 20 touchdowns. When informed of his win, he declared, “Oh, I’m going to have to get my hair done for the ceremony — maybe I’ll get a little frosting on top.”

Defensive Player of the Year: Kirk Ireland, Cornerback, Irish Stout

The Stout continued to pull in the awards as Ireland was also voted Defensive Player of the Year. His 10 interceptions led the league and his coverage of the most dangerous opposing receiver allowed the Stout to run their bump-and-run man-to-man defense effectively. “Definitely some frosting,” was his only comment.

Rookie of the Year: Dan Murdock, Tight End, Irish Stout

A near-unanimous selection, the big tight end out of the University of Windsor lit up the scoreboard with 17 touchdowns (second in the league). Nearly unstoppable near the goal line or buffet table, Murdock was thrilled when informed of his award. “Boy, I hope it is made of chocolate!” he ejaculated.

Foreign Player of the Year: Matias Madou, Receiver, French Foreign Legion

Though he did not join the team until after mid-season, the athletic Madou made an immediate impact. His dazzling moves, surprisingly good hands, and defensive prowess were impressive for someone new to the game. When notified, he said, “I wish I could head butt someone right now!”

All-OFL Team

As expected, Paul McRae was named the All-OFL QB. Kirk Ireland and Dan Murdock join him on the team as receivers. All three were unanimous All-OFL selections. Rounding out the squad are receivers Louis Aubin and Matias Madou from the French Foreign Legion. Others receiving votes were Sean Hope, Peter Arseneau, Yves Charron, Mo Elabd, and Bevan Watkiss.

Kanata, ON — It was a beautiful day for football at historic Entrust Cryptography Field as the Irish Stout football team demonstrated why they have led the league from the opening day to the final gun by defeating the French Foreign Legion 28-19 to claim the 2006 Obfuscated Football League championship.

Stout quarterback Paul McRae was razor sharp on the Stout’s first three drives, throwing only a single incompletion while completing three touchdown passes. After stopping the Legion on their opening possession, the Stout took control and quickly moved down the field on passes to Kirk Ireland with the payoff to big tight end Dan Murdock in the left corner of the endzone. Ireland then converted the score with a catch along the back line. The Stout quickly led 7-0. “If this doesn’t help my MVP candidacy, then the voters are imbeciles,” said the typically humble McRae.

After another failed Legion drive, the Stout took over and McRae hit Ireland with a touchdown. Murdock caught the PAT to put the Stout up 14-0. Ireland commented after the game, “It is getting a little cold out there and my mousse is starting to ice up — how long can this go on?” The Legion finally responded with a spectacular catch and run touchdown by Matias Madou, who eluded numerous defenders to score on a Reggie Bush-like romp. This tightened the game at 14-6. “I keek touchdown!” he exclaimed, “Gooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!”

McRae was undaunted, however, and drove the Stout down the field to go ahead 21-6 on an Murdock touchdown and conversion. After stopping the Stout on downs, the Legion closed the gap to 21-13 on another Madou touchdown and Yves Charron conversion.

Charron intercepted a poorly thrown McRae pass intended for Bevan Watkiss at the Legion 1 yard line, but the Legion was only able to move the ball to midfield on their ensuing drive. “I hope the video captured dat one,” said Charron, “My highlight film, she be very short dis year.”

While the game was in progress, the squads expanded to 5 members each as rookie Hongrui Dong joined the Legion and veteran Sean Hope rejoined his Irish Stout teammates. Immediately after this, Ireland made an athletic defensive play to intercept Legion QB Peter Arseneau and run the ball back across midfield. From there, McRae connected with Ireland for the insurance touchdown despite a strong rush from Dong, who was counting off steamboats rapidly in his head. Sean Hope snagged the conversion to put the Stout up 28-13, showing no ill effects from the strange malady that has plagued him for weeks.

On their final possession, the Legion retained a modicum of dignity when Madou scored the last touchdown of the 2006 season to make the final score 28-19.

There was some controversy over the game MVP, with some leaning towards Madou’s spectular effort in a losing cause and others voting for the Stout’s Murdock, who was seemingly open all day. Strangely overlooked was the Stout QB McRae, whose calm efficiency and humility is generally taken for granted by both sides. The MVP will be awarded a shiny new Escalade as soon as the League commissioner has time to pick one up at Toys R Us.

The Irish Stout finished their impressive campaign 11-1 while the French Foreign Legion went 1-11. The Stout earned their record with consistent offensive play featuring a single quarterback and solid defensive play using their man-on-man alignment. The Legion tried a variety of solutions at quarterback before seeming to settle on Peter Arseneau toward the end of the season. However, in the championship game, Louis Aubin and Arseneau shared the passing duties, but neither was able to get anything going until the contest was effectively decided. The always innovative OFL continues to investigate the possibility of an indoor season during the winter months. “Thank goodness,” said Ireland, “My nails can’t take anymore of this dirt and grime.”

Box Score
OFL 2006 Season Statistics

Kanata, ON – The Irish Stout barely defeated a spunky French Foreign Legion team on a chilly day at classic Entrust Cryptography Field in exciting OFL action. Though the Legion were stopped on their first drive by a Bevan Watkiss interception, the Stout could not move the ball and had to punt. The Stout had another drive stall at the 2 yard line. The Legion, however, proceeded to score two touchdowns to make the score 12-0 on TD receptions by Louis Aubin, from Peter Arseneau, and Arseneau, from Aubin. This awoke the moribund Stout squad, who proceeded to score on three straight possessions. Stout QB Paul McRae, extending his interception-less streak to 3 games, connected with OFL superstar Kirk Ireland on a TD and conversion to close the gap to 12-7. He then found Sean Hope to take a slim 13-12 lead in the contest. Hope was clearly delirious either from scoring or from his medication as he celebrated the TD by scooting back to the huddle, coughing.

Ireland allowed a couple of Aubin touchdowns while checking his look in a small handheld mirror he snuck into his uniform, but redeemed himself with two interceptions and spectacular offensive play. After stopping the Legion late in the game, McRae connected with Ireland to go ahead 19-12. On the conversion, McRae found a wide open Watkiss tip-toeing along the back line of the endzone for what would prove to be the winning points. McRae exclaimed after the game, “I won this game as a team!”

On their final drive, the resilient Legion scored on one play with a long bomb to Aubin. Ireland had an excellent view of the catch from his vantage point several yards away. Aubin then added the conversion to narrow the Stout lead to 20-19. The Stout then ran out the clock with their punishing ground attack, which consisted of mostly keeping their hands in their pockets to take advantage of the neat hand-warmers provided to the squad by McRae before the game.

The Irish Stout improve to 9-1 on the season while the French Foreign Legion fall to 1-9. Ireland increased his lead in the league scoring race over big tight end Dan Murdock, who had sit out the game with an unknown malady he claims is but a common cold, but insiders suspect may be a result of his association with radical left-wing organizations planning on wreaking havoc on our Nation’s Capital.

Today’s contest saw the return of OFL Films, who were present to record their famous “Game of the Week” series. Legion receiver and sometime-QB Yves Charron, who moonlights as the President and CEO of OFL Films, was heard lamenting, “Naturally, my worst game of the year was completely caught on tape.”

Box Score
---------

Irish Stout 20, French Foreign Legion 19

November 2, 2006

Receiving
=========

Stout
-----

Ireland 2 TD, 1 PAT
Hope 1 TD
Watkiss 1 PAT

Legion
------

Aubin 2 TD, 1 PAT
Arseneau 1 TD

Passing

=======

Stout
-----

McRae 3 TD passes, 2 PAT, 0 INT

Legion
------

Arseneau 2 TD passes, 3 INT, 1 PAT
Aubin 1 TD pass

Defense
=======

Stout
-----

Watkiss 1 INT

Ireland 2 INT


OFL Season Statistics


Passing
-------              TD Passes     INTS
McRae           44          11
Arseneau        10           7
Charron          8           4
Aubin            5           6
Murdock          1           0
Elabd            0           1

Receiving
---------

             TD Receptions  PAT
Ireland          18          5
Murdock          15          6
Aubin            14          6
Watkiss           9          3
Arseneau          6          1
Elabd             2          0
Charron           2          2
Hope              2          0
McRae             1          1
Duford            0          1

Rushing
-------
             TD Rushing     PAT
Aubin             1          0


Defense
-------
              Interceptions

Ireland           9
Aubin             6
Charron           5
Murdock           5
Watkiss           4

Kanata, ON – The season may be changing into a cold winter, but the hot
Irish Stout continue with their winning ways defeating a revamped French
Foreign Legion team 25-13 in scintillating 5on5 action at legendary
Entrust Cryptography Field.

The Stout got started after improving Legion QB Peter Arseneau was
intercepted by league interception leader Kirk Ireland. The Stout drove
down to the Legion 1 yard line, but failed to convert as OFL veteran
Sean Hope (recently lured out of retirement by a lucrative contract
offer of a 6 pack of TimBits) failed to hold on to a pass.

The Legion then began driving the full length of the field, but Ireland
once again stopped the drive with an interception, setting up the Stout
at midfield. “This is murder on my manicure, but anything for the team,
I suppose,” quipped the well-coiffed receiver after the game. Passing
touchdown leader Paul McRae quickly converted, hitting Ireland for the
first touchdown of the game in the left corner. Once again, Hope had
trouble pulling in the conversion pass and the Stout were left leading
6-0. “Dude, if you were as zonked on benadryl as I am, you might have
missed that one too,” mused Hope, “I just hope this cough isn’t
something terminal.”

Undaunted, the Legion drove the length of the field and scored on a
beautiful teardrop pass from Arseneau to Legion standout Louis Aubin.
The Stout, however, answered this with a Dan Murdock touchdown as the
big tight end blew past rookie safety Matias Madou on a post corner
route. Murdock also converted on the PAT pass to put the Stout up 13-6.
“Did you check out my cleats on that one?” inquired Murdock, “I think
they looked particularly good that time.”

The plucky Legion squad, utilizing newly signed receiver Mike Duford,
drove to midfield where Louis “Michael Vick” Aubin scrambled in for the
touchdown. “Sure, if he wants to take advantage of a fat, old guy, he
can do that,” said nose tackle McRae, “but a real man would throw a
touchdown as I have 41 times this year, not run scared like a
nancy-boy.” A controversial conversion by Duford from backup QB Yves
Charron tied the game at 13-13. Unfortunately, Charron’s video camera
is still in the shop, so no replay was available.

This was all the Stout needed to focus their energies as they drove down
and scored on a Sean Hope reception. The Legion failed to score on
their last possession, but not until a scrambling Yves Charron did the
proverbial ‘Earl Campbell’ on Stout linebacker Dan Murdock. Murdock
recovered from the collision, but was heard calling Ben Roethlisberger
for advice on a good neurologist after the game.

The Stout wrapped up the scoring on an incredible Bevan Watkiss
reception over Duford, incredible on two counts, (1) Watkiss actually
caught the ball and held on and (2) Watkiss actually caught the ball
and held on.

The Stout improve to 8-1 while the Legion fall to 1-8. Notable
statistical milestones include McRae throwing his 41st TD of the
season and getting closer to besting his own league record of 48 while
Ireland boosted his Defensive Player of the Year candidacy by taking the
league lead in interceptions with 7. Due to a rare statistical error by
the Elias Sports Bureau, big tight end Dan Murdock now trails Ireland
in the league’s scoring race, but remains confident that his new
cleats will allow him to close the gap in ensuing weeks.

Box Score
---------

Irish Stout 25, French Foreign Legion 13

October 26, 2006

Receiving
=========

Stout
-----

Ireland 1 TD
Murdock 1 TD, 1 PAT
Hope 1 TD
Watkiss 1 TD

Legion
------

Aubin 1 TD
Duford 1 PAT

Rushing
=======

Aubin 1 TD

Passing
=======

Stout
-----

McRae 4 TD passes, 1 PAT, 0 INT

Legion
------

Arseneau 1 TD pass; 2 INT
Charron 1 PAT

Defense
=======

Stout
-----

Ireland 2 INT

OFL Season Statistics

Passing
-------

TD Passes     INTS

McRae           41          11
Charron          8           4
Arseneau         8           4
Aubin            4           6
Murdock          1           0
Elabd            0           1

Receiving
---------

TD Receptions  PAT

Ireland          16          4
Murdock          15          6
Aubin            12          5
Watkiss           9          2
Arseneau          5          1
Elabd             2          0
Charron           2          2
Hope              1          0
McRae             1          1
Duford            0          1

Rushing
-------

TD Rushing    PAT

Aubin             1          0


Defense
-------

Interceptions

Ireland           7
Aubin             6
Charron           5
Murdock           5
Watkiss           3

Kanata, ON – On an overcast day, a sparkling exhibition of football
was put on at historic Entrust Cryptography Field by the Irish Stout
and the French Foreign Legion squads.

The Legion jumped on top of the Stout with a Louis Aubin touchdown in
the early going from emerging star QB Peter Arseneau. The Stout
responded with a tying score by big tight end Dan Murdock in the right
corner of the endzone. Undaunted, the Legion scored again, hitting
Yves Charron on a comeback pattern. The Stout bogged down and punted,
but on the next possession, Bevan Watkiss came down with an
interception to stunt the Legion drive. Unfortunately, the Stout
could not convert their good fortune and punted again.

Late in the game, Kirk Ireland, returning to the Stout squad after
missing the last game to recover from plastic surgery to make him even
better looking, intercepted a Legion pass and returned the ball to
midfield. From there, Stout QB Paul McRae hit him in the endzone for
the tying score and then connected again for the go ahead PAT. After
stopping the Legion on their last gasp possession, the Stout scored the
insurance TD on a pass from McRae to Ireland and then Dan Murdock
connected with Ireland again on the PAT.

Clearly, the OFL has become a much more competitive league in recent
weeks. Record crowds are expected for next week’s matchup of the 7-1
Irish Stout and 1-7 French Foreign Legion, held at the usual place at
the usual time.

Box Score
---------

Irish Stout 20, French Foreign Legion 12

October 19, 2006

Receiving
=========

Stout
-----

Ireland 2 TD, 2 PAT
Murdock 1 TD

Legion
------

Aubin 1 TD
Charron 1 TD

Passing
=======

Stout
-----

McRae 3 TD passes, 1 PAT, zero (0, nada, bupkes) INT
Murdock 1 PAT

Legion
------

Arseneau 1 TD pass; 1 INT
Aubin 1 TD pass; 1 INT

Defense
=======

Stout
-----

Watkiss 1 INT
Ireland 1 INT

OFL Season Statistics
---------------------

Passing
-------

TD Passes INTS

McRae 37 11
Charron 8 4
Arseneau 7 2
Aubin 4 6
Murdock 1 0
Elabd 0 1

Receiving
---------

TD Receptions PAT

Ireland 15 4
Murdock 14 5
Aubin 11 5
Watkiss 8 2
Arseneau 5 1
Elabd 2 0
Charron 2 2
McRae 1 1

Defense
-------

Interceptions

Aubin 6
Charron 5
Murdock 5
Ireland 5
Watkiss 3

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