OFL


Kanata, ON — It was an unseasonably warm but gloomy day at historic Entrust Cryptography Field as the Irish Stout faced off against their bitter rivals, Peter’s Pirates. Both teams were without key players, the Stout were missing All-OFL slotback Kirk Ireland and the Pirates were without their rangy safety Carlos Nahas. The Stout still lined up multiple superstars led by their record-setting QB Paul McRae, lumbering tight end Bevan Watkiss, smooth striding end James Muir and lightening fast Ron Burman. The Pirates countered with seasoned QB Peter Arseneau and his trio of rookies, Liang Yao, Andrew Sung, and Tong Jia.

The game began in predictable fashion as the Stout scored quickly on a pass from McRae to the streaking Burman. “Hey, put your clothes back on!” screamed the assembled players, partially in jest. Watkiss followed this up with a catch for the PAT and just like that, it was 7-0 Stout. Then things entered the Twilight Zone. Uncharacteristically, McRae threw interceptions on consecutive drives, both deep in Pirate territory. However, despite the Stout opening the door a crack, the Pirates could not take advantage. McRae hit Watkiss at midfield on a crossing pattern and you could imagine the ghost of Roger Patterson recording the run as Watkiss sauntered into the endzone unmolested. A PAT to Muir boosted the Stout lead to 14-0. Muir scored another TD to increase the margin to 20-0 before the Pirates Hail Mary prayer was answered by Tong Jia, whose numerous short receptions were clearly a clever deception to draw in Burman so Arseneau could burn him on a long bomb, narrowing the gap to 20-6.

Watkiss again displayed some heretofore undiscovered athletic ability as he took another short pass on the sideline and tightroped into the endzone to make the score 26-6. Now late in the game, the Stout defense stopped the Pirates near the Pirate goal line as they were forced to gamble on fourth down. McRae drew up a play that was supposed to free up Watkiss on the right side, but Liang would have none of it, positioning himself between the passer and receiver. However, a high throw over Liang’s outstretched arms nestled into the waiting paws of Watkiss for the score as he came down right on the back line of the endzone. Not be deterred, Liang proceeded to intercept the PAT attempt, but it was too little, too late, as the final score ended up 32-6.

“I’m glad we showed we could win without Ireland,” said head coach McRae at the post-game press conference, “but we have to stop those interceptions! We need more Ken Dorsey and less Jacory Harris out there.” The assembled press corps immediately started googling on their phones to decipher the coach’s comments.

The Stout improved their record to 6-1 while the Pirates fell to 1-6.

BOX SCORE
November 16, 2011
Irish Stout 32, Peter's Pirates 6

Passing
-------
McRae      5 TD, 2 PAT, 3 INT
Arseneau   1 TD

Receiving
---------
Watkiss    3 TD, 1 PAT
Muir       1 TD. 1 PAT
Burman     1 TD
Jia        1 TD

Defense
-------
Yao        2 INT
Sung       1 INT

Kanata, ON — Fear not, the sun will rise in the east tomorrow as the Irish Stout returned to their winning ways after a monumental upset loss to Peter’s Pirates earlier this week. After delivering an effort on par with the 1968 New York Jets or the 2007 New York Giants, the Pirates faced the Stout for a second time this week. Following their bitter defeat, the Stout were in an ornery mood, but that did not prevent both teams from putting on an exciting display at legendary Entrust Cryptography Field.

The Stout were at full strength for this matchup, with their signal caller, Paul “The Increasingly Mad Bomber” McRae more or less fully recovered from his back injury, James “Bulletin Board Material” Muir, Kirk “They Only Lose When I Don’t Play” Ireland, Bevan “Throw It At My Head” Watkiss, and Ron “Polar Fleece” Burman all ready to play. The Pirates countered with Peter “Joe Namath” Arseneau, Carlos “David Tyree” Nahas, Andrew “Plaxico Burress” Sung, Tong “Don Maynard” Jia, and Liang “Johnny Sample” Yao.

After failing to score on their first possession, the Pirates turned the ball over to the Stout, who proceeded to execute a lightening fast hurry-up play to Burman for a quick 6-0 lead on a long throw from McRae. Nahas snuffed out the conversion attempt with an interception. After another scoreless Pirate drive, Muir scored on another McRae bomb for a 12-0 lead, which extended to 13-0 when Burman caught the PAT. “Oh, yeah, we’re bringing it,” said Muir, “I mean that in the most polite context possible.”

This would not become a Stout rout, however, as the plucky Pirates fought back. Arseneau passed to Nahas and converted to Sung to trim the Stout lead to 13-7. The Stout responded with a long Ireland TD to go ahead 19-7, but Nahas scored again to make it 19-13. The Stout were forced into their only punt of the day, but Ireland intercepted Arseneau on the goal line to set up a McRae to Burman connection and a 25-13 lead. Muir intercepted the Pirate pivot on the next possession and then hauled in a perfectly thrown McRae toss for a 31-13 lead, which became 32-13 after the Watkiss conversion.

Just when the Stout were asserting themselves and threatening to blow out the Pirates, Liang Yao intercepted McRae deep in the Pirate end of the field and scooted the length of the gridiron for touchdown to make the score 32-19. Not to be denied this day, McRae kept heaving long bombs at the Pirate defense with success, hitting Ireland in stride for a 38-19 lead. Despite time running out, Arseneau moved his team down the field and used his rookie slotbacks to score a TD to Sung and a PAT to Jia.

The contest now stood with the Stout ahead 38-26, but whatever flickering hope of another historic upset by the Pirates was extinguished by a Watkiss TD from McRae on the flag pattern. A Burman conversion on a nice dipsy doodle move ended the Stout scoring with them ahead 45-26. A late TD from Nahas and conversion by Sung made the final 45-33 in one of the highest scoring games in league history.

“Just win, baby!” said McRae, echoing the words of the late Al Davis. The Stout now lead the OFL at 5-1, while the Pirates are at 1-5.

BOX SCORE
November 4, 2011
Irish Stout 45 Peter's Pirates 33

Passing
-------
McRae      7 TD, 3 PAT, 2 INT
Arseneau   4 TD, 3 PAT, 2 INT

Receiving
---------
Nahas      3 TD
Burman     2 TD, 2 PAT
Ireland    2 TD
Muir       2 TD
Sung       1 TD, 1 PAT
Watkiss    1 TD, 1 PAT
Jia        1 PAT

Defense
-------
Yao        1 INT (TD ret)
Ireland    1 INT
Muir       1 INT
Nahas      1 INT

Kanata, ON — Something different was in the air today at Entrust Field when the new look Pirates hosted the Irish Stout. With ideal weather conditions, most thought it would be a high scoring game, especially since the Stout were an unstoppable juggernaut on offense the previous week. McRae remarked, “We completed every pass last week, except for one out-of-bounds, and James even caught that one.” Who ever expected the turn of events that would be witnessed today?

“We’ll win on Wednesday, I guarantee it!”, quipped Peter “Rabbit” Arseneau, the reserved but steadfast Pirate QB. Irish receiver James Muir replied, “Bring it on”, but would later wish he had not thrown down the gauntlet so, as his comments only enraged an already despondent Pirate team. “I’m gonna get these guys!”, said Carlos “the Jackal” Nahas, sporting his new Tom Brady jersey.

The Pirates took to the field knowing that Paul McRae was coming off a major back injury. Doctors suggested immediate back surgery but McRae instead chose to do extensive daily rehab and physio, especially the Guinness Stout lifts. Ron “Boomer” Burman, Kirk “How many interceptions can I get?” Ireland were AWOL, likely getting in some sun and a few holes at the Marshes Golf club before it closes for the winter. In an act of kindness, the Pirates loaned rookie wide receiver Tong Jia, to square up the sides.

The Pirates won the toss and choose to kick. McRae’s first pass was incomplete. “There goes the completion streak”, noted the grizzled field commander. But this was a sign of things to come, as the Pirate defence would bend but not break, applying a higher level of field coverage that surprised the Stout. Several Stout passes were too low, too deep, out of bounds. The Stout failed to score on their initial possession. “What’s going on??” shouted Muir.

The Pirates then took the ball, marched down the field and almost scored, missing on fourth and goal from the 1 yard line. “It was in my hands, but I wasn’t expecting a shovel pass [a la Brett Favre] “, lamented Andrew Sung. “No problem, I’ll make up for it later.”

Knowing that they had a real game on their hands, the Stout put together an impressive drive, finding Muir underneath, and eventually connecting with Jia in the endzone. “Why did we ever loan them Tong?”, asked running back Liang Yao. The extra point was missed. Uncharacteristically, both teams had trouble scoring the 1 point conversion.

On the next possession, the Pirates responded. After a short completion, Arseneau looked deep but nothing appeared to be open. And then McRae came charging! Refusing to be sacked, the Pirate QB ran for his life, to the left and charged for the end-zone. He cut right and then left again, bounding into the left corner The result was an unlikely running touchdown from midfield. “Why is he running the ball when he should be throwing me interceptions”, thought Bevan “Freight Train” Watkiss. The conversion was unsuccessful, again.

After another unsuccessful Stout offensive drive, the Pirates took over and went to work. On third and long, Arseneau looked deep but couldn’t find a receiver, so he threw the ball to Nahas underneath as he was cutting towards the sideline. With an extra burst of speed, Nahas zoomed around the defender, charged down field and lunged into the end-zone. It was the first Pirate lead of the day — of the year! Would it be enough? Knowing the value of the extra point, Arseneau hooked up with Sung in the right corner, making up for the earlier missed TD.

Desperate, with the clock proceeding to 1PM, the Irish Stout would not take it lying down (at least the players on the field). They put together one last drive, eventually finding “Bring it on” Muir for the touchdown. But the Pirates would not break. They held tough, forcing McRae to put up a desperation throw when he couldn’t find a receiver. It sailed over everyone. Though the Pirates had last possession and could have run up the score, they decided to run out the clock instead rubbing it in. “That’s not what they do in New England. We should do the proper thing and run out the clock.”, said Nahas as he pointed to his Tom Brady Patriot jersey. BTW, did you ever notice that patriot almost rhymes with pirate, and they even start with the same letter?

It was time to celebrate for the Pirates. “I’m speechless”, said Nahas, when asked about scoring the winning TD, “I’ve never felt this way before!” The stunning victory ends the Irish Stout winning streak at an incredible 38 games and ushers in a new, competitive era of OFL action. The Irish Stout are now 4-1 while Peter’s Pirates climb to 1-4.

BOX SCORE
November 2, 2011
Peter's Pirates 13, Irish Stout 12

Passing
-------
Arseneau   2 TD, 1 PAT
McRae      2 TD

Receiving
---------
Muir       1 TD
Jia        1 TD
Nahas      1 TD
Sung       1 PAT

Rushing
-------
Arseneau   1 TD

Pirate QB Peter Arseneau

Kanata, ON — A dark, gloomy cloud settled over historic Entrust Cryptography Field as the 4-0 Irish Stout took on the 0-4 Peter’s Pirates after the OFL bye week. Rosters were depleted as the Stout were only able to round up their All-OFL QB, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, who was suffering from a sore lower back, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, James “Smooth” Muir and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The Pirates countered with Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau and a trio of rookie receivers, Gary “Hamstring” Hoffe, Tong “Thumbs Together” Jia and Liang “Hang On” Yao. Despite knowing they were severely undermanned, the plucky Pirates decided to challenge the mighty Stout to a 4on4 matchup.

After failing to move the ball the Pirates punted and the Stout began what was to be an outstandingly efficient offensive performance by completing a pair of passes culminating in a touchdown from McRae to Muir. Watkiss secured the conversion on a comeback route and the Stout led 7-0. McRae continued his perfect day on the next two possessions, throwing touchdowns to Watkiss and Ireland before missing on a conversion to Muir, who caught the ball out of bounds. The 20-0 lead held as Watkiss intercepted Arseneau on the Stout 1 yard line. “Well, at least it wasn’t fourth down,” said McRae, “Bevan did a good job there.” “Oooga”, responded the happy Watkiss as he lined up at tight end.

Several dropped passes stunted Pirate drives and the Stout kept the pressure on with a pair of touchdown passes from McRae to Muir and a conversion from Watkiss to Muir on the reverse. On the final series, the Stout were backed up inside their 20 yard line and McRae uncorked a bomb for Ireland, who slipped past a racing Hoffe for the touchdown on the post pattern. Unfortunately, Hoffe’s hamstring gave out on the play and the game was called after the conversion pass to Muir.

At the conclusion of the game, Arseneau took exception to McRae’s hearty handshake. “What is he trying to do, show me up?”, he said through clenched teeth, “We’ll be ready next week — then I’ll do the handshaking.”

“I didn’t see the problem,” said McRae, “I learned everything I know from Jim Harbaugh.”


BOX SCORE
October 21, 2011
Irish Stout 41, Peter's Pirates 0

Passing
-------
McRae      6 TD, 4 PAT
Watkiss    1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Muir       3 TD, 2 PAT
Ireland    2 TD, 2 PAT
Watkiss    1 TD, 1 PAT

Defense
-------
Watkiss    1 INT

McRae Passes To Muir in OFL Action

Kanata, ON — It was a glorious day for football at legendary Entrust Crytography Field and a packed house watched a nearly flawless performance by the Irish Stout as they faced off against their nemesis, Peter’s Pirates, in exciting OFL action.

The Stout began the game with a short roster comprised of league leading passer Paul McRae, debonair Gary Hoffe, blindingly fast Kirk Ireland and the simply blind Ron Burman. The Pirates lined up with crafty Peter Arseneau under center, athletic Tong Jia, versatile Liang Yao, and the quiet, but intense, Andrew Sung.

The Stout started with the ball, but were unable to complete a pass and punted. Likewise, the Pirates failed to score and punted back to the Stout. At this point, the Stout squad was bolstered by the arrival of their set of big tight ends, Bevan Watkiss and James Muir. A mid-game deal sent Hoffe shuffling off to join the Pirates, who also welcomed offensive coordinator and all-around gadfly Carlos Nahas into the their huddle.

With their roster now complete, the Stout proceeded to score on a McRae to Ireland connection. With the PAT by Burman, the Stout led, 7-0. This was the start of 5 consecutive Stout possessions that ended in a score with the accompanying conversion, an offensive onslaught that few teams, let alone the expansion Pirates, could withstand. “It was like the ’99 Rams,” gasped Nahas, “McRae is just like a shorter, squatter version of Kurt Warner out there!”

Arseneau completed a bomb to Jia to make the score 14-6, but the Pirates were unable to dent the scoreboard further despite driving to the one yard line on a spectacular catch and run by Nahas. Nahas’s ensuing end-around was stuffed at the goal line by Muir. “I totally got the try,” screamed Nahas, who apparently forgot that this was touch football and not rugby. Yao barely missed a pass for a touchdown and a pair of Pirate drives ended with endzone interceptions by Burman and Ireland. The contest ended with the 3-0 Stout ahead 35-6.

“We made too many wrong mistakes,” said Arseneau to a confused press corps.

BOX SCORE
October 5, 2011
Irish Stout 35, Peter's Pirates 6

Passing
-------
McRae      5 TD, 5 PAT, 
Arseneau   1 TD, 2 INT

Receiving
---------
Burman   2 TD, 1 PAT
Muir       2 TD
Ireland    1 TD, 1 PAT
Jia        1 TD
Watkiss    3 PAT

Defense
-------
Ireland    1 INT
Watkiss    1 INT

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