OFL


Kanata, ON — The OFL season eventually staged its third game as the powerful Irish Stout hosted the Underdogs at legendary Entrust Cryptography Field. Both teams were a little shorthanded as the Stout lined up All-OFL QB Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, tight end James “Smooth” Muir, slotback Kirk “Flash” Ireland, and wide receiver Louis “Le Genou” Aubin. The Underdogs countered with Brad “Big Play” O’Brien, Chris “Stickum” Yagi, Bevan “Blues Brothers” Watkiss, and newly signed rookie free agent, Brian “The Big Pole” Niebrzydowski. The cool, overcast day did not portend the fireworks to come.

Starting with the ball, the Underdogs went right to work, with O’Brien hitting Watkiss with a long pass for a TD over a startled Ireland. “I thought he would drop it, it wasn’t aimed at his head,” said a confused Ireland, “Normally, he only grabs those kinds of passes when it means self-preservation.” Nevertheless, for the first time this season, the Stout trailed, 6-0.

Unfazed, McRae led the Stout back with TD toss to Aubin, followed by a PAT conversion to Ireland to take the lead 7-6. The Underdogs were not intimidated, coming right back at the Stout with another TD to Watkiss from O’Brien. Again, the Stout trailed, 12-7 and again, the Stout responded, this time with a TD from McRae to Aubin using their hurry-up “Tiger” package. Another PAT to Ireland made the score 14-12, Stout. “I thought maybe we were in for a long day, so I dialed up the ‘Blur’ to catch ‘em off guard,” analyzed McRae after the game, “We haven’t unleashed the ‘Tiger’ in quite a while.” “I’ll unleash a forearm shiver if he ever does that again,” threatened O’Brien, “Maybe HE won’t be ready for THAT, either.”

Perhaps the Stout thought this might break the spirit of the Underdogs, but the Dawgs once again showed their fortitude as O’Brien drove them down the field, the payoff this time coming with a pass to Niebrzydowski. The Stout now trailed for the third time in the game, 18-14. “What the hell is going on out there?” screamed Coach McRae, “Just grabbing, no tackling!!! Grab, grab, grab!” Reminded that it was a game of touch football, McRae calmed down and returned to the sideline, then to the huddle as he remembered he is also his team’s QB.

The Stout scored on an Aubin TD with a Muir PAT to take a 21-18 lead and then, like breaking an opponent’s serve in tennis, the game’s complexion changed on a terrific defensive play by Ireland, who intercepted O’Brien, giving the ball back to the Stout. An avalanche of points ensued as the Stout outscored the Underdogs 27-0 the rest of the way, including a nifty reverse flea-flicker PAT from Aubin to McRae on the game’s last play.

“I think the important thing to take away from this game is that I intercepted McRae for the first time this season,” said O’Brien in the strangely jubilant Underdog locker room, “We’ve come a long way this season and we are going to get those arrogant bastards if it’s the last thing I do. I don’t care how many 6’5″ behemoths I have to recruit, I will prevail!”

BOX SCORE
October 25, 2013
Irish Stout 48, Underdogs 18

Passing
-------
McRae         7 TD, 5 PAT, 1 INT
O'Brien       3 TD, 1 INT 
Aubin         1 PAT
Watkiss       1 INT

Receiving
---------
Ireland       3 TD, 2 PAT
Aubin         3 TD
Watkiss       2 TD
Muir          1 TD, 3 PAT
Niebrzydowski 1 TD
McRae         1 PAT

Defense
-------
Aubin         1 INT
Ireland       1 INT 
O'Brien       1 INT

Kanata, ON — On a beautiful day for football at historic Entrust Cryptography Field, the powerful Irish Stout took on the Underdogs under a cloud of carnivorous insects bent on trying to disrupt the scintillating OFL action. Both teams were shorthanded as the Stout fielded Paul “Pad My Stats” McRae, Kirk “Porsche Spice” Ireland, James “You want me to cover who?” Muir, and rookie Kaushik “Don’t Eat The Chicken” Thirukonda. The Underdogs made a stunning pre-game trade for Bevan “Hands of Stone” Watkiss, while lining up with Brad “The Big Gun” O’Brien, Chris “Steve Largent” Yagi, and their first round draft choice, Dan “One Direction” Krywenky.

On paper, the contest should have been close, but on the field, the Underdogs could not overcome their own mistakes and had trouble with a nearly flawless Stout offence that scored on every possession. Things got off quickly as the Underdogs failed to score and the Stout took over. McRae lofted a TD throw to Ireland and followed up with a nice toss to Thirukonda for the PAT. “Despite my intestinal distress, I still feel I can contribute,” said the lithe receiver in the locker room after the game, “But if you will excuse me, I need to puke my guts out right now.” Thirukonda converted another TD, this one on a reception by Muir, on the Stout’s next drive. “This is almost as good as taking a wicket!” exclaimed Thirukonda.

Trying to come back from being down 14-0, the Underdogs attempted a short pass in the flat, but it was intercepted by Muir after being tipped by Watkiss and Muir raced down the sidelines for a score. A rankled Watkiss made a great play on the PAT throw by Ireland on a trick play and nearly ran it back for safety, but the score remained 20-0.

The young rookie Thirukonda got into the offense in a big way for the remainder of the game, scoring 3 touchdowns while also intercepting O’Brien in the back of the endzone to stunt an Underdog drive. Ireland also scored and converted a PAT on a reception. The score stood at 46-0 when, on the last drive of the game, the Underdogs went the length of the field on a long O’Brien reception from Watkiss and a Watkiss run to the pylon for a touchdown.

“How can you let those b*st*rds score at will?” thundered Underdog Head Coach O’Brien in the locker room, “You let that McRae complete passes all over the place! He’s not that good! I got us Bevan! What more do you want? Play like men, dammit!” O’Brien was only mollified when the team doctor gave him a shot while he was being distracted by highlights from the game. “See??!? He can’t throw a hard pass! We can stop….zzzzzzzz” O’Brien and the rest of the Underdogs should be well rested for the next game.

BOX SCORE
September 27, 2013
Irish Stout 46, Underdogs 6

Passing
-------
McRae      6 TD, 4 PAT
O'Brien    2 INT 
Ireland    1 INT

Receiving
---------
Ireland    2 TD, 1 PAT
Muir       2 TD      
Thirukonda 3 TD, 3 PAT 

Rushing
-------
Watkiss    1 TD

Defense
-------
Muir       1 INT (TD ret)
Thirukonda 1 INT 
Watkiss    1 INT


Kanata, ON — The OFL, after a year hiatus, kicked off the 2013 season with a titanic showdown between the defending champion Irish Stout against the expansion Underdogs. The Stout returned perennial All Stars Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss, and James “Smooth” Muir. They were joined by veteran Louis “Tabernacle” Aubin and rookie Kaushik “Cricket” Thirukonda. The Dawgs featured Brad “Big Play” O’Brien, Neil “Wash” Tubb, Chris “Hands” Yagi, Kris “The Streak” Cieplak, and Sabtain “Wrath of” Khan.

As the teams lined up on legendary Entrust Cryptography Field, the Dawgs won the toss and took the ball, but ran into trouble as Muir picked off O’Brien. The Stout went to work as McRae found Watkiss for a TD and a quick 6-0 lead. Ireland, former defensive player of the year, intercepted Khan on the next series and an accurate McRae laser to Aubin followed by a PAT catch from the rookie Thirukonda made the score 13-0. “Hey, this ball is bigger than the one in cricket!”, exclaimed Thirukonda, “I play lots of cricket, you know.”

Striking back with a long drive, the Dawgs scored on a Yagi reception from O’Brien, but the Stout retaliated with a flurry of points on Ireland and Aubin touchdowns and a Watkiss conversion for a 26-6 lead. The speedy Cieplak put a little excitement back into the contest, scoring 2 TD’s and and a PAT, sandwiched around another Ireland Stout score on a long bomb from McRae.

As the 39-19 contest wound down, a desperation pass from O’Brien was returned for a TD by Muir to make the final 45-19. The ensuing PAT throw off the flea-flicker by Muir was batted away at the last instant from McRae by Tubb, giving the defeated Dawgs something to hang their hat on.

“This is bullsh*t!” exclaimed Dawg GM O’Brien, “We need to make some serious personnel changes around here!” The Dawgs are entertaining any and all trade options and scouring the waiver wire while continuing to refine their playbook. “I want everyone to watch the Philadelphia Eagles Monday night and take notes,” said O’Brien, “We are installing the Blur Offense for next week and everyone needs to be on the same page!” For the most part, blank stares greeted this proclamation, but O’Brien was defiant, “And we will have cool black uniforms like Oregon, too!”

BOX SCORE
September 6, 2013
Irish Stout 45, Underdogs 19

Passing
-------
McRae      6 TD, 3 PAT
O'Brien    3 TD, 1 PAT, 2 INT
Khan       1 INT 

Receiving
---------
Ireland    3 TD, 2 PAT
Cieplak    2 TD, 1 PAT
Aubin      2 TD
Watkiss    1 TD, 2 PAT
Yagi       1 TD
Thirukonda 1 PAT 

Defense
-------
Muir       2 INT (1 TD ret)
Ireland    1 INT

Kanata, ON — In a lavish luncheon at the Local Heroes in Bell’s Corners, the OFL wrapped up the 2011 season with its annual award ceremony. This year, voting was impartially calculated by Surveymonkey.com. As expected, many awards were captured by the 6-time OFL Champion Irish Stout squad, which went 7-1 against Peter’s Pirates, but the Pirates improved week after week and even ended the Stout’s long 38-game winning streak this season with a stunning 13-12 victory in week 5.

Foreign Player Of The Year

Andrew Sung Of Peter’s Pirates was the winner this year, not only for his performance on the field, but largely for the fact that he was the only non-Canadian citizen to play in the league this year. “I would like to thank my parents for conceiving and birthing me in Korea,” he said, “This is nearly as big an honor as intercepting that annoying Paul McRae in the end zone that one time.”

Rookie Of The Year

Liang Yao Of the Pirates took home the honors after a season in which he improved week to week and managed to intercept Irish Stout QB Paul McRae 3 times, including one returned for a touchdown. “I don’t know much about football, but it doesn’t take a 180 IQ like I have to figure out McRae is going to throw to Muir when the going gets tough,” he explained, “I would like to thank the league for this award, but I need to get back to my ground breaking research.”

Defensive Player Of The Year

For the first time, there was a 3-way tie for the Defensive Player award as James Muir, Bevan Watkiss, and Liang Yao were all honored with the award. “It’s about time,” said Stout safety Watkiss, “I’ve been in this league FOREVER and this is my first award!” Muir was his usual humble self commenting, “I would just like to thank the opposing QB’s for throwing those interceptions, without which I would not have been able to share this honor with such a prestigious group.” “Two awards?” exclaimed the Pirates’ Yao, “I did not know that these kinds of recognition even existed! I am very happy to accept on behalf of my teammates.”

Offensive Player Of The Year

There was little suspense here as the Stout’s James Muir, who led the league with 15 touchdowns, won the Offensive Player honors. “Well, I have to give props to my QB, Paul McRae, who managed to throw high, low, and to all points in between as I athletically snagged these touchdowns. Really, is it that hard to hit me in the hands?”

Most Valuable Player

For the sixth straight year, Stout QB Paul McRae led the league in touchdown passes with 43 in 8 games and took home the MVP trophy. “I must share this with my teammates, no one knows how important it is to stack their team as I do! I could not have done this without James, Kirk, Bevan, and Burms. But, of course, someone must place the ball perfectly in their hands to score those touchdowns! The ball doesn’t just magically get there on its own, y’know!”

Kanata, ON — The Irish Stout finished the 2011 OFL season as they started it — as champions. The 7-1 Stout overwhelmed their Superbowl opponents, Peter’s Pirates, posting a 47-13 victory that left no doubt as to which team deserved to hoist the trophy.

Playing the latest season game in OFL history, the Stout and Pirates lined up on a crisp early winter day on the frozen grass of historic Entrust Cryptography Field to decide the title. The Stout roster included legendary OFL standouts Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The Pirates were without Andrew Sung, who was either suffering from the flu or had more sense than to show up for the slaughter that was to ensue as well as Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, who was reportedly detained by Interpol. A late trade brought the dynamic Ron “Randy Moss” Burman and his acrobatic receiving skills to the lineup. Pirate regulars Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Liang “Rabbit Ears” Yao, and Tong “Rabbit Hands” Jia rounded out the team.

Starting on offense, the Stout struck quickly as Watkiss scored on a catch and run and also snagged the conversion for a 7-0 lead. McRae and the Stout were just warming up, however, as 2 TD passes to Muir and TD to Ireland were sandwiched around a Muir interception. All the Stout receivers were Biletnikoff-like in their ability to grab footballs out of the air. “Who-nikoff?” questioned Watkiss.

Finally, the Pirates got on the board with a Burman TD to make the score 26-6, but Watkiss hauled in another McRae throw and trotted into the endzone. A Muir conversion boosted the Stout lead to 33-6, which Muir followed up with another fine catch for a TD on the ensuring possession. Showing a bit of trickeration, the McRae tossed the ball back to Ireland, who hit McRae in the left corner for the PAT over the outstretched arms of Arseneau.

Burman scored again on a pass from Arseneau with Yao converting to make the score 40-13, but McRae again found his big tight end Watkiss for a TD and concluded the OFL’s 2011 scoring with a toss to Ireland for the conversion.

“I think we need to check if Muir’s gloves are legal,” said an exasperated Arseneau in the runner-up’s lockerroom, “I mean, he caught everything in this postal code!”

McRae tied his own OFL record with 7 touchdown passes in a single game. “After Drew Brees threw 5 yesterday, I took it as a personal challenge,” said McRae, “I wasn’t going to be outdone by someone who went to Purdue, for cryin’ out loud.”

While the Pirates improved week after week and stunned the Stout, ending their 38-game winning streak, the Stout were an offensive machine during the 2011 season, averaging 37 points per game on the strength of 43 touchdown passes by McRae over the 8 game season. “I really have to credit our offensive coordinator for his great game plans and play calling,” effused McRae, “Oh, wait, _I_ am the offensive coordinator!”

The humble Irish Stout finished 7-1 while Peter’s Pirates wound up at 1-7.

BOX SCORE
December 19, 2011
Irish Stout 47, Peter's Pirates 13

Passing
-------
McRae      7 TD, 4 PAT
Arseneau   2 TD, 1 PAT, 1 INT
Ireland    1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Watkiss    3 TD, 1 PAT
Muir       3 TD. 1 PAT
Burman     2 TD
Ireland    1 TD, 2 PAT 
McRae      1 PAT
Yao        1 PAT

Defense
-------
Muir       1 INT

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