OFL 2010


Kanata, ON — The defending champion Irish Stout moved to 6-0 on the 2010 season with a 25-18 victory over the Co-Op Dragons, but it certainly wasn’t easy. Several defections affected the rosters of both teams as Marc “Shoes” Jessome was a scratch due to being inadequately shod, Bevan “Ow-ey” Watkiss was rehabilitating a sore forelimb, and Ron “Fair Weather” Burman was sleeping off the victory party from the previous week. The Stout lined up Johnny “Butterfingers” O’Connor, James “Butterfingers” Muir, Kirk “Butterfingers” Ireland and Paul “How Many Different Ways Can You Curse Dropped Passes?” McRae to start the game. The Dragons initially could only field Peter “Laser Arm” Arseneau, William “How Do You Catch This Thing” Jia, and Michael “The Squid” Liu. Slotback Jin “Lightening” Kang was late getting to the contest, but managed to join his teammates for the second quarter.

Starting 3on3, the Dragons took the ball at their 20 and calmly marched to a touchdown as the long arms of Liu came down with the ball over Muir. Leading 6-0, the Dragons returned to the offensive after back to back drops by Muir and Ireland led to a rare Stout punt. With the addition of Kang, Arseneau fixed his steely gaze on the Stout defense and threw another looping pass to Liu that cleared the outstretched arms of Muir for a stunning 12-0 lead. Drops for both sides continued as the teams exchanged punts. “I haven’t seen offensive football like this since Pop Warner,” groused McRae, “Don’t you guys know I carry Stickum in my bag?”

The slow-starting Stout have been down before however, and McRae finally connected with Ireland on a long bomb to close the gap to 12-6. Following a Dragon punt, McRae then hit O’Connor with a deep throw to the one yard line and followed up with a quick toss to Muir in the left corner. Suddenly it was all knotted up at 12-12. In the past, the Dragons might have folded and allowed the Stout to run away with the game, but on this day the young squad had other ideas. Using quick end-arounds to Kang and short passes, the Dragons moved into scoring territory with the payoff coming with yet another Arseneau to Liu TD. The Dragons now had a lead of 18-12.

Time was running out as McRae barked out the signals on the Stout 20. A short pass to Muir put the Stout at midfield, followed by a scoring pass to Ireland. As the game stood tied at 18-18, the Stout’s shifty offense created an opening for Ireland in the left corner as he caught the conversion and hit the back pylon for a 19-18 lead. McRae was still venting, “I threw 7 TD’s last week and 7 today but only 3 of them were actually caught!”

The Dragons still had a last gasp, but they were unable to capture the magic of their early possessions. After 3 straight running plays, another McRae-Ireland TD on the final possession provided the insurance and the Stout barely escaped Entrust Cryptography Field with a victory — their 34th straight. The defeated Dragons held their heads high knowing they had taken the Stout to the brink. “The Stout are who we thought they were and that’s why we took the damned field,” screamed Arseneau at the post-game press conference, “If you want to crown them, crown their ass! They are who we thought they were and we let them off the hook!” He then stormed out, apparently late for lunch with his long time pal, Dennis Green.

BOX SCORE
November 10, 2010
Irish Stout 25, Co-Op Dragons 18

Passing
-------
McRae      4 TD, 1 PAT
Arseneau   3 TD

Receiving
---------
Ireland    3 TD, 1 PAT
Liu        3 TD
Muir       1 TD

Kanata, ON — A cool fall day at legendary Entrust Cryptography Field was witness to a red-hot record setting performance by 5-time OFL MVP Paul McRae as his defending champion Irish Stout riddled the expansion Co-Op Dragons 44-13. McRae tied his own OFL record with 7 TD passes as the Stout ran their record to 5-0 in front of a record crowd (thanks, Dong and Xijian).

The Co-Op Dragons, trying to change the course of their season, turned to the wily Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas at quarterback. Nahas, returning to the OFL after short stint in a Turkish prison, was throwing to a pool of improving rookies: Marc “Hands” Jessome, William “Why Don’t They Cover Me?” Jia, Michael “Endzone” Liu, and Jin “The Human Bruise” Kang. In a Stout roster shuffle, James “When Exactly IS Noon?” Muir was benched for the first quarter after missing warmups. Replacing him in the lineup was Ron “Randy Moss” Burman alongside Kirk “Big Cushion” Ireland, Bevan “Too Tall” Watkiss, and Johnny “So This Is What A Touchdown Feels Like” O’Connor.

As usual, the Stout got off to to a slow start as an errant pass caromed off a Stout defender into the waiting arms of Liu for a touchdown. A nice pass from Nahas to Jessome just over the endzone line gave the Dragons a 7-0 lead. “You see? They are not supermen!” screamed Nahas, “They put their cleats on one foot at a time just like us!” As Nahas surveyed the quizzical looks of his teammates in the huddle, the Stout roared back with a TD pass from McRae to Ireland, who outran his defender to the ball. McRae hit Ireland again on the Stout’s next possession for another TD and the Stout took their first lead at 12-7. The Stout defense, buoyed by the play of Watkiss at nose tackle and Burman at corner shut down the Dragons for most of the day. Notably, Kang was punished on several receptions, but gritted it out and never missed a play. “I thought the league was cracking down on this kind of stuff,” said Kang, “The Stout defenders all think they are Brandon Merriwether!”

The newly acquired Burman got into the act, catching a long post pattern from McRae. McRae followed that up with a toss to the re-instated Muir for the conversion for a 25-7 lead. Noted Gaelic footballer Johnny O’Connor zig-zagged his way to a perfect catch in the right corner for a score before the Dragons finally put a stop to the bleeding with another acrobatic Liu TD. At 31-13, the Stout weren’t done yet as Burman took a hit from both safeties but came down in the endzone with the ball. Watkiss caught a ball in heavy traffic in the right corner and the lead ballooned to 38-13. On the last possession of the game, McRae dropped back and lofted a rainbow into the hands of Ireland for his record-tying 7th TD pass of the game and OFL record 44th point for the Stout.

In a nearly flawless performance, the Stout scored on all 7 possessions and set a modern-day OFL record with 44 points. “I’m still mad about those missed conversions,” groused noted perfectionist McRae, “But everyone knows that I don’t like to run up the score. Who do you think I am, Bill Belichick?”

BOX SCORE
November 3, 2010
Irish Stout 44, Co-Op Dragons 13

Passing
-------
McRae      7 TD, 3 PAT
Nahas      2 TD, 1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Ireland    3 TD
Burman     2 TD
Liu        2 TD
Muir       1 TD, 1 PAT
O'Connor   1 TD
Jessome    1 PAT
Watkiss    1 PAT

Kanata, ON — This week’s OFL matchup began as a tight affair but ended with the defending champion Irish Stout winning going away. The powerful Stout roster consisted of the league’s leading passer, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, Johnny “Irish” O’Connor, and Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss. The expansion Co-Op Dragons countered with Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Michael “Crash” Liu, William “I’m Open!” Jia, Marc “Mitts” Jessome, and Jin “Kirk Who?” Kang.

After winning the toss, the Dragons took the wind and the ball, but failed to dent the scoreboard. The Stout immediately responded with a TD pass from McRae to Ireland for a quick 6-0 lead. “It’s going to be 45-13,” Ireland predicted, “This is MAH HOUSE!”

Naturally, Kang blew by Ireland on the next possession to catch an Arseneau rainbow and tie the score at 6-6. Kang barked back with “Kirk talks a big game, but I play one!” The grudge match escalated as McRae hit Ireland again to give the Stout a short-lived 12-6 lead. Short-lived due to Kang’s TD on the Dragon’s next possession that once again tied the score at 12-12.

“Get your head in the game,” screamed Coach McRae at his befuddled defense, “You have to think mentally out there!”

McRae hit big tight end Bevan Watkiss down the right sideline and he lumbered in for a touchdown after a missed tag. Muir followed up with a convert reception and the Stout now led 19-12. Though the increasingly exciting Kang intercepted McRae in the endzone, the Stout responded with a McRae to Muir TD and a 25-12 lead on their next possession. As time was running out, Muir intercepted Arseneau deep in Stout territory and the Stout capitalized with a flea-flicker where McRae delivered the ball to Muir on a lateral, who proceeded to laser a pass practically the length of the field in to the waiting paws of Watkiss. An O’Connor end-around for the conversion concluded the scoring at Stout 31, Dragons 12.

“Our defense was a little lax in the first half but they picked it up late,” said Coach McRae at the post-game press conference. “The way things were going, the Defensive Player of the Year award might be left vacant!”

BOX SCORE
October 27, 2010
Irish Stout 31, Co-Op Dragons 12

Passing
-------
McRae      4 TD, 1 INT
Arseneau   2 TD, 1 INT
Muir       1 TD

Receiving
---------
Ireland    2 TD
Kang       2 TD
Watkiss    2 TD
Muir       1 TD, 1 PAT

Rushing
-------
O'Connor   1 PAT

Defense
-------
Kang       1 INT
Muir       1 INT

Kanata, ON — A crisp autumn day framed the most exciting game of the young OFL season as the upstart Co-Op Dragons came within a single yard of potentially upsetting the highly favored Irish Stout. The Stout fielded their strongest roster to date led by QB Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae and consisting of Kirk “Flash” Ireland, James “Smooth” Muir, Bevan “Boo Boo” Watkiss, and Louis “Plus Vite” Aubin, claimed off the waiver wire following his league mandated suspension for what were termed “lewd acts”. The Dragons were quarterbacked by the wily veteran Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, who was throwing to Marc “Stretch” Jessome, Jin “And Tonic” Kang, and William “My Hands Are Even Worse Than Bevan’s” Jia.

The wind was blustering a bit so the visiting Dragons, having won the toss, took the wind. The Stout deferred and the Dragons began at their 20. Arseneau, who is demonstrating uncanny accuracy this year, moved the ball down into scoring range, but could not crack the goal line. McRae answered with a TD throw to Ireland but the flea-flicker conversion attempt was snuffed out by the aggressive Dragon defense. The Stout led 6-0, but only briefly, as Arseneau hit Kang in stride for the tying score. “I thought I saw another one of those cool jets flying by and didn’t see Jin flying past me,” said Ireland. “I like jets.” Aubin recorded the first interception of Arseneau this season as he stole the conversion pass. “Tabernosh, I play ten minutes and I’m in the stats already!” he exclaimed.

The back and forth contest continued as Muir scored on a pass that just navigated its way through the arms of Jessome. Jessome, however, came back to make a catch and fall over the pylon with the football, knotting the contest at 12-12. McRae uncorked a bomb that Muir cradled into his hands in the left corner, but after the conversion pass deflected off of Watkiss’s kisser, the score stood at 18-12.

Watkiss, perhaps motivated by his offensive shortcomings, suddenly became a beast at nose tackle. His hirsute form could be seen deflecting passes, tackling runners in the backfield, and sacking the passer — all celebrated with monosyllabic grunts. The Dragons were forced to punt the ball back to the Stout.

You could almost hear the disembodied, legendary voice of NFL Films’ John Facenda saying “Great teams aren’t always great — they are just great when they have to be” as McRae dropped back and fired a laser to Ireland in the right corner, threading the needle through the defender’s arms.

The Dragons displayed some moxie of their own and worked their way into Stout territory, with the payoff coming on an Arseneau to Jessome pass for the touchdown.

Leading 24-18, the Stout needed only to run out the clock to assure victory. However, their offensive execution was, to put it mildly, offensive. First, a bungled handoff resulted in a wobbly throw into traffic by Ireland that was nearly intercepted. An uncharacteristically inaccurate throw by McRae was nearly picked off by Kang, followed by a sack of McRae by Jia. The Stout literally seemed to be trying to hand the game to the Dragons. On the final play, another flea-flicker nearly went horribly awry as Ireland tossed a pass that could easily have been mistaken for a wounded migratory bird. Naturally, the ball was easily intercepted by Jessome, who bobbed and weaved his way through the dazed Stout until he was tagged one yard short of the endzone and the tying points.

“I don’t like to make coaching changes during the season,” said Stout GM McRae, “But that was the worst playcalling at the end of a game I have ever seen. You play to win the game! YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!!!”

Clearly, the Dragons are closing the gap with the Stout, but, for now, the Stout stand tall on top of the OFL with a 3-0 record while the Dragons dwell in the cellar at 0-3.

BOX SCORE
October 18, 2010
Irish Stout 24, Co-Op Dragons 18

Passing
-------
McRae      4 TD
Arseneau   3 TD, 1 INT
Ireland    1 INT

Receiving
---------
Ireland    2 TD
Jessome    2 TD
Muir       2 TD
Kang       1 TD

Defense
-------
Aubin      1 INT
Jessome    1 INT

Kanata, ON — The OFL began Week 2 of football action with the Co-Op Dragons taking on the mighty Irish Stout on a beautiful autumn afternoon at Entrust Cryptography Field. The Dragons returned all of their roster with the exception of Mark “Shoeless” Jessome while the Stout were without both Kirk Ireland, whose habit of studying the game plan by the light of a jukebox finally got the best of him and Johnny “Irish” O’Connor, who was last seen stumbling out of the Barley Mow with a Guinness in his hand. They were replaced by raw rookie Istehad “Lateral” Chowdhury, whose next football reception would be his first. Thus, Peter Arseneau, Jin Kang, Michael Liu, and William Jia lined up against Paul McRae, James Muir, Bevan Watkiss, and Chowdhury in a 4 on 4 matchup.

The Dragons won the toss and deferred, but an uncharacteristally inaccurate McRae failed to move the Stout. On the ensuing possession, a McRae sack of Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau on fourth down gave the Stout good field position. McRae took advantage, lofting a TD to Muir and following up with conversion to the big mathematician. “Meeting, shmeeting,” said Muir, “This day is too fine to spend in a cramped office when I can be running free catching touchdowns.” The erudite Stout led 7-0.

Unimpressed by this drive, the Dragons, behind the accurate passing of the veteran Arseneau, closed the gap to 7-6 on a pass to Liu. The Dragons’ celebration was short lived, however, as Muir recorded his second TD from McRae to increase the Stout lead to 13-6. After stonewalling the Dragons, the Stout looked to extend their lead, but Jin intercepted an underthrown ball to Watkiss and raced all the way to the endzone to tighten the contest at 13-12. “Watching film, I noticed that number 11 sometimes attempts throws that are beyond his limited abilities,” said Jin, “MVP or not, I took that one to the house.”

Jin Kang nearly intercepted another McRae throw, but it was ruled incomplete. “Where is the replay?” he cried, “On TV, they always have the replay! I may not know the rules, but I know about replay!” His pleas, unfortunately, fell on deaf ears.

With time running out and only one possession each remaining in regulation, the Stout rose up and demonstrated the mettle that has made them 4 time OFL champions. McRae fired a TD to Watkiss to make the score 19-12 and that was the final score as Arseneau’s potential tying pass sailed over the head of an outstretched Liu. “We’ll get these [expletive deleted],” cursed Arseneau, “I beat them once before and I’ll beat them again,” he said, recalling the French Foreign Legion’s rout of the Stout in 2006. The Stout, however, moved to 2-0 as the Dragons fell to 0-2 on this young season.

Stout President and GM Paul McRae was less than effusive in his evaluation of the team’s QB. “He might be a multiple MVP, but you wouldn’t have known it today,” he said, “But they never play well without that little slotback, Ireland.” Fans of the Stout are hopeful that Ireland will return next week. “Get your popcorn ready,” Ireland said, “the Show is about to come back to town!”

BOX SCORE
October 8, 2010
Irish Stout 19, Co-Op Dragons 12

Passing
-------
McRae      3 TD, 1 INT
Arseneau   1 TD

Receiving
---------
Muir       2 TD, 1 PAT
Watkiss    1 TD
Liu        1 TD

Defense
-------
Kang 1 INT (TD ret)

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