OFL 2009


Kanata, ON — A sun-bathed Entrust Cryptographic Field was witness to an offensive explosion as the OFL’s top team, the redoubtable Irish Stout defeated their bitter rivals, the French Foreign Legion, 34-12.

The Legion perused the waiver wire in an attempt to bolster their roster, but made no personnel moves despite the fact that the Irish Stout were looking to unload the hefty contract of John “That’ll be 12 Guinesses this time” O’Connor to get under the salary cap. Instead, they went with the lineup of Peter “Scrambler” Arseneau, Carlos “Play The Zone” Nahas, Gerry “All World” Chartrand, Josh “Mad Dog” Lucas, and Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau. The Stout made a dramatic move before the game reminiscent of the 2007 New England Patriots’ signing of Randy Moss when they brought in the talented but sometimes unfocused Louis “Plus Vite” Aubin. Aubin had been consigned to the purgatory of injured reserve for the Legion and management had let his contract expire. As usual, Stout GM Paul McRae was ready to pounce and signed Aubin to a short term deal. The Stout squad consisted of McRae, Aubin, O’Connor, James “Pad My Stats” Muir, and Bevan “Where Are My Stats?” Watkiss. Once again, the Stout were without the services of Kirk Ireland, whose last manicure had gone horribly awry.

To open the game, the Stout received the ball at their 20, but could move no further than midfield. However, Legion QB Arseneau misfired on a pass that was intercepted by Muir. McRae wasted no time connecting with O’Connor for the TD and Aubin for the conversion to give the Stout a 7-0 lead. This was just a taste of things to come as Aubin took his performance to another level, picking off a pass and returning it for the touchdown, then catching the conversion throw. “Tabernosh, it be good to be ahead,” he exclaimed, “Chalice, I want to win one of these games!” The Legion scored on an Arseneau to Nahas completion to make the score 14-6, but Aubin was at it again, connecting with McRae on a long TD then throwing a conversion pass to Muir off a lateral. The score now stood at 21-6 and things were looking bleak for the Legion. “Sacrament, I love being on this team,” Aubin cried.

The teams swapped interceptions, then McRae hit Muir in the right corner of the endzone for a TD, followed by a conversion to Muir to run the score to 28-6. With time running out, the Legion were unable to mount a comeback and Aubin, for good measure, added a 3rd TD to his resume on a long bomb from McRae. Following a second McRae interception by Peter Arseneau, the Legion showed their mettle by driving down the field and hitting league scoring leader Chartrand for a TD to make the final score 34-12.

“I think the league should look into the Stout’s manipulation of the salary cap,” complained Nahas after the game, “How can they get so many great players?”

“Organizations win championships,” stated McRae at the post-game press conference. “That, and bribes!”

BOX SCORE
November 12, 2009
Irish Stout 34, French Foreign Legion 12

Passing
-------
McRae       4 TD, 3 PAT, 2 INT
Arseneau    2 TD, 4 INT
Aubin       1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Aubin       2 TD, 2 PAT
Muir        1 TD, 2 PAT
O'Connor    1 TD
Chartrand   1 TD
Nahas       1 TD

Defense
--------
Muir        2 INT
Aubin       2 INT (TD Return)
Nahas       1 INT
Arseneau    1 INT

Kanata, ON — An abnormally warm November afternoon was host to a red hot OFL contest as the streaking Irish Stout played their toughest game of the year against the French Foreign Legion, winning in thrilling fashion 20-13.

The Legion roster consisted of the usual bevy of talented athletes as Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau lined up at QB, Josh “Tank” Lucas at slotback, Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau at split end, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand at flanker, and Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas at tight end. The Stout were without star receiver/DB Kirk Ireland, who was either home nursing the flu or recovering from a tragic mani-pedi accident at the spa. In a stunning in-game trade, the Irish Stout acquired John “I’m actually _from_ Ireland” O’Connor to fill Ireland’s spot on the roster. As usual, the OFL’s leading passer, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Dan “Danimal” Murdock and Bevan “Wrong Way” Watkiss were stalwarts on the Stout squad.

After winning the toss and deferring, the Stout allowed several short completions from Arseneau to Nadeau before Chartrand scored the game’s first points, putting the Legion up 6-0. Several scoreless possessions followed for both sides until McRae hooked up with Watkiss to tie the affair at 6-6. “It must be this wind,” said McRae, “I couldn’t possibly be throwing these bad passes for any other reason!”

The Stout took the lead on a long bomb from McRae to O’Connor. The conversion attempt seemed destined to be intercepted, but the ball went through the defender’s hands and an alert O’Connor snatched it to make the score 13-7. “So this is what playing with an All-Pro quarterback is like,” said the jovial Irishman, “I could get used to this!”

With time running out, the Legion marched down the field to tie the score on a long pass from Chartrand to Nahas on a clever play action flea-flicker. Chartrand then tallied the tying points as Arseneau hit him for the PAT. “If I could throw it, catch it, and spike it all myself, it would be perfect,” quipped Chartrand.

Overtime loomed as the Stout resolutely began their final possession. A short completion put the Stout at midfield, but two incompletions left them with fourth down and the defense knowing they had to go for the endzone. However, few teams are as good under pressure as the defending champs and McRae hit paydirt with Muir to put the Stout ahead. The Stout unveiled some razzle-dazzle of their own as Muir caught a lateral then lofted a perfect strike to McRae for the conversion to make the final 20-13. “Basically, a completion AND a reception on the same play,” said McRae, whose tasteful Lynn Swann-style spike is adored by fans everywhere. “So it IS possible,” uttered Chartrand.

The Irish Stout ran their record to 5-0 as the ever more competitive French Foreign Legion dropped to 0-5. “We are just waiting until Terrell Owens is available,” said Arseneau, “He will come in and foster team harmony and lead us to victory!”

BOX SCORE
November 9, 2009
Irish Stout 20, French Foreign Legion 13

Passing
-------
McRae       3 TD, 1 PAT
Arseneau    1 TD, 1 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD
Muir        1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Watkiss     1 TD
Muir        1 TD
O'Connor    1 TD, 1 PAT
McRae       1 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD, 1 PAT
Nahas       1 TD

Kanata, ON — The sun shone brightly over historic Entrust Cryptography Field, but the pyrotechnics really started when the Irish Stout and French Foreign Legion kicked off their OFL contest, a barn burning affair won by the Stout 31-20.

The Legion brought an athletic roster to the contest featuring Peter “The Scrambler” Arseneau, Louis “Plus Vite” Aubin, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, and Josh “Tank” Lucas. The Stout were without big tight end Dan Murdock, who was nursing a foot injury incurred from storming the buffet table but still lined up with Paul “Don’t Intercept on Fourth Down” McRae, Kirk “I’ll Intercept If I Want To” Ireland, James “Me, Too” Muir, and Bevan “At Least I Know When It’s Fourth Down” Watkiss.

The Stout won the toss and deferred but the Legion failed to score on their opening possession, a defensive stand highlighted by McRae batting Arseneau’s first pass into the turf. Taking over after the punt, McRae immediately found a lumbering Watkiss on a crossing route and the score was quickly 6-0, Stout. Responding quickly, Legion QB Peter Arseneau fired a touchdown to Louis Aubin on the goal line to tie the game. Returning to OFL action for the first time in more than a year, Aubin was fired up. “Tabernacle, we are going to beat these bastards,” he screamed, “That is, if my knee doesn’t collapse!”

McRae threw two touchdowns to Watkiss and Muir respectively, sandwiched around an Ireland interception. The score now stood at 18-6, but the Legion gamely negotiated down the field and scored on an Arseneau to Chartrand completion. Conversions were hard to come by for both sides and the score remained 18-12.

The nip and tuck ballgame started to favor the Stout as McRae hit Ireland for a score and Muir for the conversion to bulge the lead to 25-12, but Aubin scored again from Arseneau to make it 25-18. Consecutive interceptions, first by Muir off of Arseneau, then by Lucas off McRae left the ball in the Legion hands with potential to tie the game. However, the drive ended deep in Legion territory and any comeback hopes were snuffed out as Ireland hauled in the insurance TD to put the Stout ahead 31-18. The excitement wasn’t over, however, as Aubin swooped in on the conversion pass, picked it off, and ran back the length of the field to score a safety for his squad. His gimpy knee, though, could not hold up any longer and the exciting contest ended with the Stout winning 31-20.

“We didn’t lose,” Aubin asserted, “We just ran out of time!”

BOX SCORE
November 2, 2009
Irish Stout 31, French Foreign Legion 20

Passing
-------
McRae       5 TD, 1 PAT, 2 INT
Arseneau    3 TD, 3 INT

Receiving
---------
Ireland     2 TD
Watkiss     2 TD
Aubin       2 TD
Muir        1 TD, 1 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD

Defense
--------
Muir        2 INT
Aubin       1 INT (Safety Return)
Ireland     1 INT
Lucas       1 INT

Kanata, ON — On a chilly Friday afternoon at historic Entrust Cryptography Field, the Irish Stout produced a workman-like 20-6 victory over their arch nemesis, the French Foreign Legion. The Stout roster was truncated with the loss of tight end Bevan Watkiss, who tweaked his ankle in a bizarre gardening accident and had to sit out the contest. The remaining Stout stalwarts, QB Paul “Forgot The Hotpockets” McRae, slotback Kirk “I’m Not A Practice Player” Ireland, receiver (and I use that term generously) James “Needs More Stickum” Muir, and big tight end Dan “For God’s Sake, Throw It At My Head!” Murdock squared off against a Legion squad consisting of Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, John “Guinness” O’Connor, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, and rookie Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau.

Each team failed to score on its opening possession, then McRae hit Ireland on a long throw over the outstretched arms of O’Connor. A quick conversion to Murdock followed and the Stout led 7-0. After an Ireland interception of Arseneau on 4th down at the Stout 1 yard line stopped a Legion threat, the Stout matriculated their way down the field via the run and the pass and cashed in on a TD toss to Ireland for a 13-0 lead.

The Legion responded with a drive of their own to make the score 13-6 as Arseneau connected with sensational rookie Chartrand. “Since we keep finishing at the bottom of the standings, we get high draft picks like Gerry here. That is our formula for success!” said the Legion GM, “It’s working for the Oakland Raiders, isn’t it?”

After a sensational interception by emerging defensive force Dan Murdock, the Stout struck once again on a long pass to Ireland to the Legion 2 followed by a quick strike to Murdock for the touchdown. After dropping a pair of touchdowns on the day, Muir finally hauled in a pass for the conversion to make the score 20-6. “I can’t believe it is possible to not catch Paul’s perfect passes,” Muir said, “It is truly a mystery for the ages.”

A final Legion drive failed to net any points as Arseneau’s end zone catch from Chartrand was ruled incomplete as he failed to stay in bounds. The Stout run their record to 3-0 as the Legion, alas, falls to 0-3. After his team failed to exceed 21 points, Stout Owner, GM, Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, and QB Paul McRae was quoted as saying, “If we don’t perform better in the next game, I might have to take play calling responsibilities away from myself! I wonder if Jim Zorn is available?”

BOX SCORE
October 23, 2009
Irish Stout 20, French Foreign Legion 6

Passing
-------
McRae       3 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    1 TD, 2 INT

Receiving
---------
Ireland     2 TD
Murdock     1 TD, 1 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD
Muir        1 PAT

Defense
--------
Ireland     1 INT
Murdock     1 INT
O'Connor    1 INT

Kanata, ON — The beat goes on as the Irish Stout football team continued its winning ways with a 26-6 victory over a spunky French Foreign Legion team on a beautiful autumn afternoon at legendary Entrust Cryptography Field.

The Stout lined up its usual assortment of All-OFL talent including leading passer Paul “Pad My Stats” McRae, Kirk “Where’s MY Touchdown?” Ireland, James “Yes, I _Am_ Really Trying” Muir, Bevan “Stickum” Watkiss, and Dan “Warren Sapp” Murdock. The French Foreign Legion was stocked with veterans Peter “It’s windy out here” Arseneau, John “This ain’t Gaelic” O’Connor, Bogdan “Blast from the Past” Nicolescu, and newcomer Josh “Cornelius” Lucas.

The Legion won the toss and deferred. McRae was uncharacteristically inaccurate on his early passes and the Stout had to punt. Working from the 20, Arseneau connected on passes to Lucas and O’Connor before hitting the home run ball to Nicolescu for a quick 6-0 Legion lead. “What, he can actually catch now?” Watkiss said, “He must have been at football camp all these months!”

The Stout didn’t take this lying down, however, scoring with New England Patriot-like efficiency on the next four possessions. McRae to Muir, Murdock conversion, McRae to Watkiss, McRae to Ireland, Muir conversion, and finally McRae to Murdock. While this offensive explosion was going on, Murdock was terrorizing the Legion backfield sacking Arseneau twice. “We just couldn’t get on track with the pressure,” Arseneau said, “I tried to distract him with a Twinky, but he was having none of it.”

The Stout are now 2-0 on this young season with the Legion falling to 0-2.

BOX SCORE
October 19, 2009
Irish Stout 26, French Foreign Legion 6

Passing
-------
McRae       4 TD, 2 PAT
Arseneau    1 TD

Receiving
---------
Muir        1 TD, 1 PAT
Murdock     1 TD, 1 PAT
Ireland     1 TD
Nicolescu   1 TD
Watkiss     1 TD

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