Kanata, ON — This was it. Finally. After a season of disappointment, the French Foreign Legion had finally assembled a bevy of athletes worthy of taking on the defending OFL champion Irish Stout. Armed with their new playbook, steady QB Peter Arseneau, lightning fast Louis Aubin, rookie scoring sensation Gerry Chartrand, sure handed Carlos Nahas and ready-to-rumble John O’Connor, the Legion, healthy and ready to challenge the juggernaut, strode out onto legendary Entrust Cryptography Field. The confident Stout, winners of eight straight this season and riding high with a league record 25-game win streak lined up with leading passer Paul McRae (27 touchdown passes), leading scorer Kirk Ireland (8 TD’s), leading man good looks James Muir, and leading hominid Bevan Watkiss.
The game opened shakily for the Stout as McRae threw an interception to Aubin. “Damn, that is going to ruin my perfect passer rating,” McRae complained, “Wasn’t he on our team just a minute ago?” The Stout held, however, and a miffed McRae moved the team down the field to paydirt, connecting with Muir for the TD and a 6-0 lead. After stopping the Legion again, the Stout struck on a McRae to Watkiss completion to take a 12-0 lead. “Hey, where is MY touchdown?” complained Ireland.
The Legion showed a steely determination in scoring on a long Arseneau to O’Connor bomb to make the score 12-6. “It was a HANDBALL,” O’Connor cried, still going on about the previous day’s Ireland/France soccer match, “He even admitted it!” What this had to do with the contest at hand was unclear, but there was little time to debate as McRae launched a prayer answered by Muir in the endzone for a 18-6 lead followed by a conversion to Watkiss to make it 19-6. After another defensive stop, McRae matriculated the ball down the field with the payoff coming on a Watkiss catch and a 25-6 lead.
“Calice, tabernack!”, screamed Aubin, “We are better than this! Sacrament, give me the damn ball!” Aubin took the snap and launched one of his customary rockets into the stratosphere that, upon re-entry, nestled comfortably into the hands of a streaking Chartrand for the touchdown, trimming the Stout lead to 25-12. Another long completion to Chartrand on the next possession put the ball at the Stout 1-yard line, where Arseneau flipped a short pass to Nahas on the back line to make the score 25-18. With the Legion having the last possession, they only needed a defensive stop get the ball back and try to send this affair into overtime. The Stout would have none of it, however, as they moved the ball down the field and McRae threw to Muir for his third touchdown catch of the day in the right corner. To top it off, Muir took the lateral from McRae and converted the TD with a throw to Watkiss. A desperate possession by the Legion failed to net any points and the final stood at 32-18.
“Burman, Burman,” muttered Nahas in the tunnel after the game, “We need Burman to put us over the top.” But the much heralded Ron Burman has yet to appear in an OFL game this season as he deals with facial hair issues. Rumor has it he will not grace such a public venue as a football game until his soul patch has grown in perfectly. With bated breath, the OFL awaits.
Meanwhile, a frustrated Ireland failed to record a score or interception for the first time in his storied OFL career dating back to 2002 though he was noted for playing exceptional defense during the game. Asked about being surpassed by Muir for the OFL scoring lead at the post game press conference, a fuming Ireland, adorned in dark glasses with a baseball cap pulled low over his face, gravely intoned, “Don’t they realize this is about ME? Forget T.O., what about K.I.?”
November 19, 2009
Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 18
McRae 5 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau 2 TD
Aubin 1 TD
Muir 3 TD
Watkiss 2 TD, 2 PAT
Chartrand 1 TD
Nahas 1 TD
O'Connor 1 TD
Aubin 1 INT