OFL 2009


Pictured clockwise, Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau, Louis “Plus Vite” Aubin,
John “Are You Sarah” O’Connor, Josh “Tank” Lucas, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand,
Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, James “Smooth” Muir, Bevan “Hominid” Watkiss, Larisa “Jerry Jones” Christensen, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Kirk “Flash” Ireland.


Kanata, ON — The OFL wrapped up the 2009 season with a gala luncheon held at the Local Heroes attended by most of the active OFL players. The league crowned the undefeated 10-0 Irish Stout as champions for the fourth straight year with the French Foreign Legion finishing second. In addition, individual accomplishments were acknowledged as the league’s awards were issued by assistant commissioner Larisa Christensen.

Foreigner of the Year

John O’Connor brought home the Foreigner of the Year award for the second straight time. “Playing a few games with the Stout didn’t hurt,” he noted.

Rookie of the Year

It was no contest for Rookie of the Year as Gerry Chartrand won in a unanimous vote. The dynamic receiver even cracked a wide smile as he was handed his award saying, “Hey, is this beer really free?”

Defensive Player of the Year

The Defensive Player of the Year award went to Louis Aubin, who proudly showed it to the waitress. “I ran back an interception for a safety!” he exclaimed. “That’s very nice,” she replied, “Here are your wings.”

Offensive Player of the Year

The normally stoic James Muir accepted the Offensive Player of the Year award with a big thumbs up. The league’s leading scorer composed himself however, saying “Oooh, I’m feeling tipsy after this glass of ale. I wouldn’t want to lose my inhibitions!”

Most Valuable Player

For the fourth consecutive year, the league’s leading passer, Paul McRae, was the recipient of the MVP award, this time by a narrow margin. The ever-humble McRae gave all the credit to his teammates. “They executed the plays I designed and caught the passes I threw, for the most part,” he said, “Hey, even Brett Favre never threw 42 TD’s after turning 40!” The entire room was moved.

The OFL looks forward to the 2010 season as the Irish Stout go for their fifth consecutive league title.

Rookie of the Year, Gerry Chartrand


Defensive Player of the Year, Louis Aubin


Offensive Player of the Year, James Muir


Most Valuable Player, Paul McRae

Kanata, ON — An unseasonably warm day turned positively hot for the Irish Stout as they exploded for 6 touchdowns in their 40-19 victory over the French Foreign Legion. Things started out poorly for the Legion when star receiver Ron “Randy Moss” Burman was unable to play due to what is being reported as a bizarre grooming accident. He has been holed up in his gated community since the weekend, issuing only a terse press release that ended with “Don’t look at me! I’m hideous!” Offensive coordinator and tight end Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas was also unavailable, but Interpol would not divulge any details as to why he has been detained in Paris. Legion regulars Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, John “Guinness” O’Connor, and Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau took the field to face a powerful Stout lineup consisting of Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Bevan “No Wobbly Balls, Please” Watkiss, James “I’ll Take That Ball, If You Don’t Mind” Muir, and Louis “All World Picker” Aubin. Noticeably absent from the Stout was superstar Kirk “Twinkletoes” Ireland, who continued to recover from his ballroom dancing accident. “No one puts Kirk in the corner,” he intoned sternly, “But I had the time of my life!”

After taking the opening kickoff, the Legion drove down the field but failed to score. Rookie Eric Nadeau then proceeded to intercept McRae’s long, but not long enough, throw to Watkiss and ran it back into scoring territory. “I’m in the stats!” Nadeau cried with glee. The Stout held, however, and McRae marched them down the field to paydirt with a TD to Watkiss. The Legion responded with a TD of their own from Arseneau to Chartrand and went ahead on an Arseneau to O’Connor conversion. “Burman? Burman? Who needs Burman?” yelled Arseneau in a rare display of bravado. “Actually, we could really use him,” replied Chartrand, “It’s not like I can score all the touchdowns by myself!”

Trailing 7-6, the Stout struck quickly with two McRae to Muir TD’s sandwiched around an Aubin conversion to make the score 19-7. Arseneau again connected with Chartrand to draw within 6, but the Stout unleashed a flurry of touchdowns to put the Legion away. First, McRae hit Watkiss for 6, and followed up with a PAT to Aubin. Aubin intercepted Arseneau on the next possession and the Stout went to work with Muir literally taking the ball away from the defender and running in for a score. After the Watkiss conversion, the score stood at 33-19. “When the ball is in the air, it’s mine,” said Muir, “Well, technically, the ball belongs to Paul, but you get the idea.”

The Legion responded with yet another Chartrand TD from Arseneau, but Muir again aggressively went after the ball and evaded a defender to score his fourth touchdown of the day. “Four touchdowns, let’s see…” Muir observed, “That’s 12 plus 6 plus 6, carry the 1….24 points!” A short yellow bus full of young fans cheered Muir’s arithmetic prowess.

An Aubin PAT made the final score 40-19. The Stout scored the second highest number of points in the league’s recent history, second, ironically, to the Legion, which owns the record, set in their 41-12 victory over the Stout in 2006. However, it has been 28 straight wins since for the powerful Stout, who are now gunning for their 4th straight OFL title with a 10-0 record. “Tabernac, I want a title,” exclaimed Aubin, who due to the OFL’s lax roster rules has played on both sides of this bitter rivalry this season, “I am going to celebrate with a big moose tourtiere, calice!”

The 2009 OFL Season statistics can be seen here.

BOX SCORE
December 2, 2009
Irish Stout 40, French Foreign Legion 19

Passing
-------
McRae       6 TD, 4 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    3 TD, 1 INT

Receiving
---------
Muir        4 TD
Chartrand   3 TD
Watkiss     2 TD, 1 PAT
Aubin       3 PAT
O'Connor    1 PAT

Defense
--------
Aubin       1 INT
Nadeau      1 INT

Kanata, ON — On a drizzly afternoon at historic Entrust Cryptography Field, the OFL’s 8-0 Irish Stout faced off against their bitter rivals, the 0-8 French Foreign Legion, in a contest that, on paper, rivaled the Thanksgiving Day offering of the NFL’s Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions. At long last, flanker Ron “Randy Moss” Burman joined his Legion teammates. “My soul patch has come in perfectly and I have finished the final trimming,” he said, “Let’s play some football!” Paired with scoring sensation Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, the Legion now possessed possibly the most dangerous receiving tandem in their long, sad history. Joining them at kickoff were QB Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, John “Are you Sarah” O’Connor, and Josh “Tank” Lucas. The Stout lined up with Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, James “Smooth” Muir, Louis “Plus Vite” Aubin, and Bevan “Bigfoot” Watkiss. Noticeably missing from the Stout squad was All-World Kirk Ireland, who had sustained an ankle injury during his appearance on “Dancing With The Stars”. Stout GM McRae was not amused, as these kinds of activities were explicitly prohibited in his contract. “How was I supposed to know that Muir can’t jitterbug,” complained Ireland, “He was supposed to be the professional and I came right down on his foot!”

The Legion won the toss and took the ball, but their first possession ended in an Arseneau interception as Muir picked him off at the one yard line. Deep in their own territory, the Stout maneuvered out of the shadow of their own goal posts then McRae hit the home run with a long bomb to Aubin to make the early score 7-0. “My knee, she feel OK right now,” Aubin commented, “She always feel good in the endzone, oui!”

At this point, Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas arrived to play for the Legion squad. A mid-game trade saw Lucas moved to the Stout side for the duration. Despite these personnel shenanigans, the contest unfolded in a familiar pattern. Unable to score, the Legion punted to the Stout and McRae again connected with Aubin on a long pass for the TD, followed up with an Aubin PAT completion and a 13-0 lead. After this, the Legion defense started backpedaling before the Stout broke the huddle. The Legion offense continued to have problems, however, but a subsequent Stout drive was abruptly curtailed with a Chartrand interception of McRae in the Legion endzone. Arseneau then hit Burman with a deep pass to trim the deficit to 13-6. “No problem,” said Burman, “Scoring on these clowns is easy!”

The Stout retaliated with a long McRae pass to Muir over the outstretched arms of Nahas and suddenly it was 19-6. Coming right back was the Legion as Arseneau threw a pass that was tipped by the defending Muir but still caught by Chartrand in the back of the endzone. The score now stood at 19-12. The Stout, however, were not yet done scoring as McRae completed a TD to Watkiss and followed up with a conversion to Lucas for a 26-12 lead. On their next possession, the Stout showed a little razzle-dazzle as Aubin caught a lateral from McRae and launched a rainbow to Muir for a score to make the final 32-12, eerily similar to Green Bay’s 34-12 win over Detroit in that “other” league.

“Even Burman couldn’t save us,” opined Nahas after the game, “Maybe we need to team up Chartrand, Burman, and the REAL Randy Moss. Yeah, that’s the ticket!”

The 2009 OFL Season statistics can be seen here.

BOX SCORE
November 26, 2009
Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 12

Passing
-------
McRae       4 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    2 TD, 1 INT
Aubin       1 TD

Receiving
---------
Aubin       2 TD, 1 PAT
Muir        2 TD
Burman      1 TD
Chartrand   1 TD
Watkiss     1 TD
Lucas       1 PAT

Defense
--------
Chartrand   1 INT
Muir        1 INT

Kanata, ON — This was it. Finally. After a season of disappointment, the French Foreign Legion had finally assembled a bevy of athletes worthy of taking on the defending OFL champion Irish Stout. Armed with their new playbook, steady QB Peter Arseneau, lightning fast Louis Aubin, rookie scoring sensation Gerry Chartrand, sure handed Carlos Nahas and ready-to-rumble John O’Connor, the Legion, healthy and ready to challenge the juggernaut, strode out onto legendary Entrust Cryptography Field. The confident Stout, winners of eight straight this season and riding high with a league record 25-game win streak lined up with leading passer Paul McRae (27 touchdown passes), leading scorer Kirk Ireland (8 TD’s), leading man good looks James Muir, and leading hominid Bevan Watkiss.

The game opened shakily for the Stout as McRae threw an interception to Aubin. “Damn, that is going to ruin my perfect passer rating,” McRae complained, “Wasn’t he on our team just a minute ago?” The Stout held, however, and a miffed McRae moved the team down the field to paydirt, connecting with Muir for the TD and a 6-0 lead. After stopping the Legion again, the Stout struck on a McRae to Watkiss completion to take a 12-0 lead. “Hey, where is MY touchdown?” complained Ireland.

The Legion showed a steely determination in scoring on a long Arseneau to O’Connor bomb to make the score 12-6. “It was a HANDBALL,” O’Connor cried, still going on about the previous day’s Ireland/France soccer match, “He even admitted it!” What this had to do with the contest at hand was unclear, but there was little time to debate as McRae launched a prayer answered by Muir in the endzone for a 18-6 lead followed by a conversion to Watkiss to make it 19-6. After another defensive stop, McRae matriculated the ball down the field with the payoff coming on a Watkiss catch and a 25-6 lead.

“Calice, tabernack!”, screamed Aubin, “We are better than this! Sacrament, give me the damn ball!” Aubin took the snap and launched one of his customary rockets into the stratosphere that, upon re-entry, nestled comfortably into the hands of a streaking Chartrand for the touchdown, trimming the Stout lead to 25-12. Another long completion to Chartrand on the next possession put the ball at the Stout 1-yard line, where Arseneau flipped a short pass to Nahas on the back line to make the score 25-18. With the Legion having the last possession, they only needed a defensive stop get the ball back and try to send this affair into overtime. The Stout would have none of it, however, as they moved the ball down the field and McRae threw to Muir for his third touchdown catch of the day in the right corner. To top it off, Muir took the lateral from McRae and converted the TD with a throw to Watkiss. A desperate possession by the Legion failed to net any points and the final stood at 32-18.

“Burman, Burman,” muttered Nahas in the tunnel after the game, “We need Burman to put us over the top.” But the much heralded Ron Burman has yet to appear in an OFL game this season as he deals with facial hair issues. Rumor has it he will not grace such a public venue as a football game until his soul patch has grown in perfectly. With bated breath, the OFL awaits.

Meanwhile, a frustrated Ireland failed to record a score or interception for the first time in his storied OFL career dating back to 2002 though he was noted for playing exceptional defense during the game. Asked about being surpassed by Muir for the OFL scoring lead at the post game press conference, a fuming Ireland, adorned in dark glasses with a baseball cap pulled low over his face, gravely intoned, “Don’t they realize this is about ME? Forget T.O., what about K.I.?”

BOX SCORE
November 19, 2009
Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 18

Passing
-------
McRae       5 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    2 TD
Aubin       1 TD

Receiving
---------
Muir        3 TD
Watkiss     2 TD, 2 PAT
Chartrand   1 TD
Nahas       1 TD
O'Connor    1 TD

Defense
--------
Aubin       1 INT

Kanata, ON — The Irish Stout rode a couple of lucky bounces to victory today in exciting OFL action as they bested their rival, the French Foreign Legion, 32-19. The Stout fielded the OFL’s all-time leading passer, Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, its all-time leading scorer, Kirk “Flash” Ireland, it’s all-time mathematician, James “Smooth” Muir, and its all-time butt of jokes, Bevan “Hands Of Stone” Watkiss. The Legion put together a spunky group chomping at the bit to get another shot at the Stout: Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, Eric “Les Mains” Nadeau, Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, and the recently traded John “Nicotine” O’Connor. Conspicuously missing from the Legion line-up was prolific scorer Gerry “Rice” Chartrand, who “officially” was out of town on business but rumors persisted that he was actually trying out for another team. Missing from the Stout was Dan “Danimal” Murdock, who continues to nurse an injured foot. “If fried chicken is the cure, I should be back soon,” commented Murdock, “Can you pass the gravy?”

The Stout wasted no time in taking a 6-0 lead on a McRae to Ireland connection, followed by a McRae to Watkiss strike that boosted the margin to 12-0. However, the Legion had something new in store for the Stout as offensive coordinator Carlos Nahas installed a multiple option, no-huddle attack. With Arseneau throwing highly accurate passes, the Legion took the lead on touchdowns to the streaking O’Connor and Nahas, who also tallied a conversion. The score stood at 13-12 for the Legion, who looked primed for the upset. That is when things went a little wonky.

The Stout drove down to the Legion 20 yard line and McRae dropped back to throw. He launched a strike to Ireland in the endzone, but he could not hold on and the ball bounced up and into the waiting arms of Watkiss for the score. “Just like we drew it up in the huddle,” quipped an exuberant McRae, After a conversion by Muir, the score stood at 19-13 for the Stout. Just to show that it was not a fluke, on the next drive a McRae pass caromed off Nahas in the endzone and was caught by Muir to bulge the lead to 25-13. “Hitting Carlos’s shoulder at that angle takes a precise throw,” said McRae, “Not just anyone can do that, y’know.”

After the Legion failed to gain a first down, McRae dropped back and threw a laser to a cutting Muir and followed that up with a conversion to Ireland against the zone defense. The Stout lead now ballooned to 32-13 and McRae was heard yodeling “Turn out the lights, the party’s over!” in his finest Don Meredith twang.

The Legion scored on a long Arseneau to Nahas completion after Nahas narrowly avoided the tag. That ended the scoring with the Stout victorious at 32-19.

“We take ‘em as we find ‘em,” said McRae after the game, in reference to the lucky bounces for TD’s, “We might have to put that in the playbook!”

BOX SCORE
November 16, 2009
Irish Stout 32, French Foreign Legion 19

Passing
-------
McRae       5 TD, 2 PAT
Arseneau    3 TD, 1 PAT

Receiving
---------
Muir        2 TD, 1 PAT
Nahas       2 TD, 1 PAT
Watkiss     2 TD
Ireland     1 TD, 1 PAT
O'Connor    1 TD

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