OFL 2008


Pictured clockwise, Chris “The Ghost” Walker, Ron “Randy Moss” Burman,
James “Smooth” Muir, John “Are You Sarah” O’Connor, Jesusa “Pinkie” Tran,
Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Kirk “I’m Just An Ordinary Superstar” Ireland,
Larisa “Jerry Jones” Christensen, Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, Marie “Fair Weather” Cote, and Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau.

Kanata, ON — The Obfuscated Football League (OFL) gathered at the Kanata Local Heroes to celebrate the 2008 season and hand out its individual awards in a lavish ceremony attended by many OFL players and front office personnel.

First off was the award for “Executive of the Year” which went to the hard working Larisa Christensen of the French Foreign Legion. Tirelessly retooling her lineup from week to week in an effort to combat the league champion Irish Stout, Christensen was gratified to be honored, quoted as saying, “How about I trade this award for Kirk? Is fair, no?”

John O’Connor was honored as “Foreigner of the Year” and gratefully accepted, saying, “Why is the only true Irish bloke playing on the French team? And, miss! Miss! I want the soup and sandwich! Miss! Over here!”

Marie Cote won as “Non-Guy Player of the Year”, though it will never be known for sure as she was the one who made out the certificates.

“Rookie of the Year” went to James Muir whose lengthy acceptance speech, “Thanks”, truly moved the entire crowd.

“Defensive Player of the Year” was a tie, going to both Kirk Ireland of the Irish Stout and Carlos Nahas of the French Foreign Legion. “But I am much better looking,” said Ireland and Nahas simultaneously.

Ireland also won for “Offensive Player of the Year” after leading the league in scoring by a wide margin. A visibly emotional Ireland stated, “I couldn’t have done it without my exceptionally accurate and gutsy quarterback.” Choking back the tears, he continued, “Really, I owe it all to Paul McRae. That’s my teammate…that’s my quarterback!”

There was barely a dry eye in the house as Paul McRae accepted the OFL MVP award for 2008. McRae was typically humble accepting his third MVP, saying, “If only these bozos had held on to a few more passes, my stats would have been even better!”

The OFL looks forward to the 2009 season as the three time champion Irish Stout look to defend their title against all comers.

Kanata, ON — The Obfuscated Football League concluded the 2008 season today with a matchup of depleted teams as the 4 man Irish Stout squad faced off against an almost completely retooled French Foreign Legion outfit. The Stout lined up Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Bevan “It Ain’t Cold” Watkiss, James “Let’s Run The Option” Muir, and Dan “I’m Open!” Murdock against a Legion team consisting of Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, Peter “Snow Rabbit” Arseneau, Bogdan “Holy Merde!” Nicolescu, and newcomers Tao “Heart Of” Gold, and Jon “Mean Joe” Milne. Notably missing from the Stout lineup was the league’s leading scorer, Kirk “I’m Just An Ordinary Superstar” Ireland, who mistakenly booked his spa day during game time.

The Legion started with the ball, but failed to complete a pass and punted. The Stout got off to a flashy start on their first play from scrimmage as McRae hit big tight end Dan Murdock on a crossing route and he lumbered into the end zone for a quick 6-0 lead. The Legion’s offensive woes continued as Watkiss picked off an errant Arseneau toss and the Stout scored again on a McRae to Muir pass, followed up with a McRae to Watkiss conversion for a 13-0 lead. After shuffling QB’s, the Legion settled on Milne, who calmly marched them down the field to pull within 13-6 with a Nahas TD reception. “See? It’s easy to score on these guys!” Milne quipped, “Why have you been having so many problems?”

The Stout offense responded with a drive ending in a Murdock score to bulge the lead to 19-6. After this, the Legion defense asserted itself, with Nahas intercepting McRae on the Legion goal line and Milne putting pressure on the Stout passer. Late in the game, Arseneau intercepted Muir on the option play deep in Legion territory. Now it was Arseneau’s turn at the helm and he hit paydirt with a looping pass over the outstretched arms of Watkiss that settled into the waiting hands of Milne for the score. making the final 19-12. “We didn’t lose,” Arseneau said, “we just ran out of time!”

Back at league headquarters there was some question as to whether this contest should be counted as an “official” league game. When informed of the score and team rosters, Legion GM Larisa Christensen was confident that her team had come out on top and insisted that the game count in the final standings. Upon closer inspection, she realized that the Legion came out on the short end, however, she was certain of one thing. “Our team will drink your team under the table at the season-ending banquet!”

OFL Final Standings W L
Irish Stout 8 0
French Foreign Legion 0 8
BOX SCORE
December 4, 2008
Irish Stout 19, French Foreign Legion 12

Passing
-------
McRae       3 TD, 1 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    1 TD, 1 INT
Milne       1 TD
Muir        1 INT

Receiving
---------
Murdock     2 TD
Muir        1 TD
Nahas       1 TD
Milne       1 TD
Watkiss     1 PAT

Defense
--------
Watkiss    1 INT
Arseneau   1 INT
Nahas      1 INT

McRae Drops Back To Pass — click on image for video.

Kanata, ON — On the snow covered frozen tundra of historic Entrust Cryptographic Field, the Irish Stout rode a hot start to a 26-6 victory over their bitter OFL rivals, the French Foreign Legion, in action far more watchable than the rival NFL’s Thanksgiving Day offering of Tennessee Titans 47, Detroit Lions 10.

After failing to field more than 3 players at kickoff time, the French Foreign Legion was in danger of forfeiting the game when magnanimous Stout owner Paul McRae allowed his big tight end, Dan Murdock, to play for the Legion until their complement of players could arrive. “It was the least I could do,” said McRae, “I mean, seriously, the least!”

The Stout offense started the game with an offensive explosion of three touchdowns from league leading QB McRae to his sure-handed receivers James Muir and Kirk Ireland. Muir tallied two TD’s, converted by Bevan Watkiss, who also contributed mightily by catching several passes in the first half. Ireland also snuffed out a Legion drive with an interception and the Stout led 20-0.

At this point, the Legion roster was bolstered by the arrival of QB/WR Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas and DT Rami “Watch Me Count Even Faster” Al-Tayeche. Murdock quickly rejoined his Stout teammates. Legion GM Larisa Christensen tried to file a motion with the league commissioner to “reset” the game to 0-0 at halftime, but, of course, neither the Detroit Lions nor the French Foreign Legion get a “do-over” when they fail to produce in the first half. “We heard of similar requests from Matt Millen,” the commissioner stated, “but we all know how that ended up, don’t we?”

To their credit, the Legion played much better in the second half, scoring a touchdown from Arseneau to Nahas (who also recorded an interception) and holding the Stout to a single McRae-Ireland score. However, the Legion’s playoff hopes have all but disappeared as they fell to 0-7 for the season while the Stout stand atop the league at 7-0.

“We were claiming a 6-6 tie,” commented Christensen after the contest had ended, “But I just got off the phone with Donovan McNabb, who assures me games cannot end that way.”

OFL Stalwarts, left to right, Ireland, Murdock, Muir, Al-Tayeche, McRae, Watkiss, Nahas, Arseneau, Gecius, Nicolescu.
BOX SCORE
November 27, 2008
Irish Stout 26, French Foreign Legion 6

Passing
-------
McRae       4 TD, 2 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    1 TD, 1 INT

Receiving
---------
Muir       2 TD
Ireland    2 TD
Nahas      1 TD
Watkiss    2 PAT

Defense
--------
Ireland    1 INT
Nahas      1 INT

Kanata, ON — As the sun broke through the thick mist at historic Entrust Cryptography Field, a gridiron classic played out between the defending OFL Champion Irish Stout and the upstart French Foreign Legion football clubs. The Legion came prepared to play with a dazzling array of talent including Carlos “The Jackal” Nahas, Louis “Plus Vite” Aubin, Ron “Randy Moss” Burman, Peter “The Rabbit” Arseneau, John “Are You Sarah?” O’Connor, Bogdan “Just Throw Me The Damn Ball” Nicolescu, and Rami “Don’t Throw Me The Ball” Al-Tayeche. The Stout lined up with Paul “The Mad Bomber” McRae, Dan “Danimal” Murdock, Chris “The Ghost” Walker, James “Smooth” Muir, Bevan “Throw It At My Head” Watkiss, and Kirk “Noon Means 12:15PM” Ireland.

The Stout won the toss and deferred and the Legion wasted no time to score on a long pass from Nahas to Burman. The PAT failed and the Legion led 6-0. The Stout tied the game at 6-6 with a Walker score from McRae, but the PAT attempt was intercepted by Nahas. After a Watkiss interception of a Nahas throw, the Stout drove down to the goal line and crossed up Legion defenders with a pass by Muir off a reverse to a wide open McRae, who spiked the ball in classic Lynn Swann style. “They didn’t see that one coming,” commented McRae. “I don’t know how we didn’t catch him, you can time him with a calendar,” retorted Aubin. The Stout now led 12-6.

After another McRae interception (!) by O’Connor, the Stout defense stiffened and McRae moved the Stout into the lead with a touchdown to Ireland on a beautiful teardrop into the right corner. What turned out to be the key play in the game came next as McRae fired a successful conversion pass to big tight end Dan Murdock. The Stout now led 19-6. “It’s like my honeymoon never ended,” said the newly wed Murdock, “I can hardly wait to tell my beautiful bride about this!”

Perhaps it was the big lead, perhaps it was the ever more creative distractions of Legion GM Larisa Christensen, perhaps it was the sudden realization that there would be no more Michael Crichton novels, but the Stout defense uncharacteristically went on to allow two Legion touchdowns, one on a pass from Arseneau to Nahas and one on a pass from Nahas to Burman to make the score 19-18. The Legion lined up for what could be the play to tie the game and take it into overtime for the second time this season. The Stout deployed their famous “46″ defense, thus named for the number of beverages consumed post-game. The scene was set, the ball was snapped…Nahas dropped back, looked right and threw the ball. It fluttered through the cool autumn air, but it did not find the outstretched arms of Burman and the Legion went down to defeat, putting their slim playoff hopes in jeopardy.

At the post-game press conference, Christensen screamed at the assembled reporters, “Playoffs?!?!? Playoffs?!?!? Don’t talk to me about playoffs! I just hope we can win a game!”

BOX SCORE
November 6, 2008
Irish Stout 19, French Foreign Legion 18

Passing
-------
McRae       2 TD, 1 PAT, 2 INT
Arseneau    1 TD
Muir        1 TD
Nahas       2 TD, 1 INT

Receiving
---------

Burman      2 TD
Murdock     1 TD, 1 PAT
Ireland     1 TD
McRae       1 TD
Nahas       1 TD


Defense
--------
O'Connor    1 INT
Nahas       1 INT
Watkiss     1 INT

Kanata, ON — The ghosts of Vince Lombardi, Paul Hornung, Jim Taylor and Ray Nitschke presided over the frozen tundra of historic Entrust Cryptography Field today as the Irish Stout routed the French Foreign Legion 31-6 in week 5 of the 2008 OFL season. At least the ghosts of Lombardi and Nitschke did. The other guys are still alive.

The Stout roster included the OFL’s leading passer, Paul McRae, its leading scorer, Kirk Ireland, the league’s softest mitten covered hands in James Muir, and the league’s most hirsute tight end in Bevan Watkiss. The Legion lined up with its usual multinational contingent of Peter Arseneau, Bogdan Nicolescu, Rami Al-Tayeche, and rookie Carlos Nahas.

The Legion won the toss and deferred. The last strains of the national anthem had barely finished by the time the Stout led 12-0 on McRae to Watkiss and McRae to Muir TD passes. This, however, was but a prelude to a spectacular performance by Ireland, who proceeded to intercept Arseneau and tightrope down the sidelines for touchdown. The PAT was good to Watkiss for a 19-0 lead. Ireland then returned an errant Nahas pass for another TD and the rout was on, 25-0. At this point, flustered Legion GM Larisa Christensen began to attempt to distract the Stout players with her feminine wiles, but the team maintained its laser focus on victory.

The day was not without its highlights for the Legion, however, as Rami Al-Tayeche and Bogdan Nicolescu both caught several passes, including a touchdown toss from Nahas to Nicolescu in the right corner of the enzone. “I learn your American futbol if it kills me,” Nicolescu exclaimed. Al-Tayeche also applied good pressure on the Stout QB while Nicolescu recorded his first interception.

The Stout wrapped up the day’s scoring with a thread-the-needle pass from McRae to Ireland to make the final 31-6 and Watkiss intercepted the Legion on the Stout goal line to end the game. The Stout ran their record to 5-0 while the Legion fell to 0-5. “At this rate, we might not make the playoffs,” said Christensen, “That would be pretty embarrassing for a league with only 2 teams!”

BOX SCORE
October 30, 2008
Irish Stout 31, French Foreign Legion 6

Passing
-------
McRae       3 TD, 1 PAT, 1 INT
Arseneau    2 INT
Nahas       1 TD, 1 INT

Receiving
---------

Watkiss     1 TD, 1 PAT
Ireland     1 TD
Muir        1 TD
Nicolescu   1 TD


Defense
--------
Ireland     2 INT (2 TD ret)
Nicolescu   1 INT
Watkiss     1 INT

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